What is friendship?

[M0T]

So I met up with her, got pizza and sat in Trafalgar square then went to the cinema, everything was going really well until we were going back to this pub for a drink. She gets a text then replies then asks me if I mind going to this other club because her friends are there. Turns out the only person she actually knew was this guy who I used to go to school with, and she completely ignored me once we got there.

I think the only reason she invited me was so she could get a lift home, if her 'friend' hadn't already been there then she would probably have just gone straight home. When I got back to hers she just got out of the car and said bye, not even a friendly hug or anything.

[Midgar]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

[M0T]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

[Midgar]

Hey, you don't fight fire with fire if you like them... Were they that engaged? And with all these red flags, I suppose she is hot but you don't want to let go of her. I liked a girl and she acted like she liked me too for a while. Then I think I sent a red flag when I said I was poor. >_<

[Emerald Weapon]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I'm going to have to go with Midgar on this, judging from the story so far. This girl is, IMHO, pretty messed up. It's not going to work this way...

Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I don't think it was your fault. Even though I wasn't there, the way she treated you, the wanting to go to another pub, no kiss or hug, it all points in the same direction. Oh and the "admitting to be ill" sounds very fishy to me.
She's keeping you tied, like her dog. (No offence). She does things like this, which upset you to the point where you've had enough, and then she plays the "desperate" card. In this case getting her parents to agree. It's all too obvious and you can see straight through it.

So, what is left for you to do is quite simple: Get her out of your head.

That however is not that simple at all.

[mirex]

I don't think its too strange to see friends on a date, it can lighten atmosphere if either of you are a little stiff, but you should leave from the friends after some time and continue on the date as a pair.
But its strange that she's lying to you / not telling everything. Ask yourself if you want such person to be your dearest. And after that tell her all what you came up with while thinking. Girls like this kind of true-hearted talk and she will probably also tell you what does she feel about you.

[M0T]

Hmmm, about 30 seconds after I posted that message she sent me a message checking if I got back ok and saying she had a great time (20 minutes after I dropped her home). Today she messaged and said she wanted to go with me again and theres lots of stuff she wants to see at the cinema. She then sent another message asking if I wanted to come out with her tonight (can't because its my mates 20th) then she asked me when I was starting work and would be free to see her again.

So, hmmmm.

[spyrojyros_tail]

Ho ho holy shit man!! This is giving me a brain tumor just reading about what she is doing to you, i swear i can feel it growing!! Anyway my two cents on this situation...

Visit: http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Have a read there and then have a think about it. (I never read it fully, but alot of it made sense)

I can definitly say that this girl is dragging this out too much, and leaving you in the dark for way too long! (there is usually a reason for this, and its usually something you wont want to know about). This whole thing about "its a date, no wait, its not a date, no wait it is!! but can you come with me while i chat to some other guy" is not what a relationship is about, or even starts with! If your ever are interested in a girl there is one quote that will get you through... never let the tail wag the dog.... if you have an interest in this girl and she isnt showing one back (to be clear on this, and interest on her side is holding your hand, play fighting, hugging and small smooches) then ignore her, forget about it and look elsewhere. Dont waste your time, you make the desicion instead of leaving it up to her. (Even if that desicion is "screw you, im gonna get drunk and score some randomer, dont waste my time you ass").

Your just infatuated man, you need to care less, and she knows that you are nuts about her. I would say in her eyes, you are the backup. I was camping at a music festival this weekend and three hot girls came into our tent (we were all pretty drunk at this stage and didnt care too much about scoring) so we just took the complete piss out of them, told them to get the fuck out of our tent. Who came back the next morning? Three hot girls!! Im not saying I understand girls man, this has just been my experience. (oh, and my mate scored with one of them)

One thing I do know about girls is that they pay way more attention to you when you are going out with someone else, that, as strange as it sounds, is a fact! Oh yeah, and you can never have a normal relationship when you want to have sex with the other person. ("God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one at a time" - Robin Williams).

[M0T]

My mate reckons she didn't do anything in the car because she expected me to get out and walk her to her door, she got out and stood there for a minute just looking at me whilst I sorted out the radio, I thought she had walked off. Thinking about it she may have sent me the message because she thought I was upset with her (which I was, and I told her so and she apologised).

I went out last night and got plastered and still didn't want to go after anyone else, I just want her. I have known her since november, when I was still going out with someone else which is why I didn't ask her out as soon as I met her. That breakup was pretty messy and she said it was clear that I wasn't ready to go out with anyone for ages, I reckon about March was when I stopped mentioning her. After that I went away for a week, uni ended so we didn't get to see each other all the time, we have had exams and both been revising alot and not going out a whole lot, so whilst I have known her quite a while it doesn't feel like it really.

It really came down to a conversation we had just over a week ago, when she asked me if I still wanted the other girl and I said no, after that was when it all started. Before that point it was a lot more sporadic in terms of affection from her. She always used to give me the impression that she talked to me because she was bored, never spoke about herself and just kept me at arms length. Recently she has been telling me how great I am and how much she likes me, and has been desperate to see me.

I know how I feel about her is genuine, not just a silly crush or anything, which is why this is so hard.

[M0T]

Right I give up, she just messaged me asking if I wanted to go to a roller disco she was organising, then said that the only reason she went to the cinema with me was because she couldn't find anyone else. She also revealed that she had been at home all night using the computer but didn't want to talk to me and she might speak to me later. Sounds to me like she is saying she is doing me some kind of favour, either that or she is trying to upset me because I wasn't able to see her yesterday when she seemed to want me to (I found out that she asked me to go out to this bar with her and her friends last night, but because I wasn't there she didn't go) and ever since I have known her she has been really childish like that (if she has a problem with somene she ignores them and does things to try and get back at them rather than sorting it out).

I think the best course of action here would be to delete her msn, remove her number from my phone and ignore any texts that come in.

Last night I got chatted up by a lesbian, that made more sense than this does.

[Relf]

Her Message: "I hate you, want nothing to do with you. I only went with you to the cinema because I was bored and had nobody else to go with. I try to talk to you as little as possible.

P.S.: Want to go to a roller disco?"


Uhhh... What?

[Midgar]

I hear golddigging...
Only go if she is paying for it. Actually why not go, you might find a nice girl there, but only go if you don't have any plans.
NOTE: Did she pay or did you pay, or you both paid? Also what type of movie did you watch? Just curious (was it X-Men III)?

[M0T]

We went to see Brick and we both split everything, which as far as I was aware was standard first date practise.

The way I look at it today was that if she had wanted something to happen she would have wanted to see me again by now, perhaps she wasn't quite sure before but has now made up her mind and she isn't talking to me now so I don't get the wrong impression. We could play guessing games all day I suppose but she obviously isn't interested.

[Jedimark]

Okay so I've skimmed this thread because I'm tired from work...

M0T... have you told her how you feel for her? You really should because your mind is playing guessing games and "what if" games to you. For better or for worse you need to tell her how you feel and get it out of your system and see what she says.

PS - Where abouts do you live? I live S.East (near Orpington), recently moved to the area. Am loving London (espeically when it's nice and hot like today ).

[M0T]

I live near Croydon (Coulsdon area).

I have no confidence with these things any more, when I first met her I was 5'11 at 74 KG, I got glandular fever and now weigh 62. I think I look freakishly thin and can't see how anyone would be attracted to me the way I currently look. I met up with a mate I hadn't seen since christmas on sunday and the first thing he said was 'my god, what the hell happened to you?'

[Jedimark]

I live near Croydon (Coulsdon area).

Not far then!

You'll seriously feel better if you get things out in the open.

And, after all, if you don't feel like you can speak to this girl then it doesn't seem like the makings of a good relationship to me.

[Midgar]

Damn I hate American ways! I would rather know my weight in kilos than in pounds. All you need is some confidence. And go to that disco. Get a nice girl there, not her though  . Imagine the irony of the situation! And also the 'resevered' is much better than unreserved, if you have to pretend you have a girlfriend. Girls love bad boys  .

[zero88]

Damn I hate American ways! I would rather know my weight in kilos than in pounds.

I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall and I weigh 168 pounds.

[M0T]

Wow, is all I can say.

She wants me to go to mexico with her. She was being a little bit naughty earlier (flirting and such) and told me that she was walking in the park earlier and saw something that made her think of me. She also keeps saying that I don't think very much of her, can't work out if she is being paranoid or if she was fishing for compliments.

But wow, she wants me to go to mexico. 

[zero88]

...Mexico...? Why?

Don't drink the water there, if you go.

[M0T]

Nah we aint going to go there now, looks to be too expensive so we were looking at maybe bits of europe since its only a train ride away.

Anyway she told me to go and find a girlfriend, then asked me what I looked for in a girl so I pretty much described her, then later on she asked me why I don't ever ask her out. Now maybe I am being dense but I would have thought that when she tells me to go and find another girl that would be a sort of explanation as to why I don't ask her out. But I don't think she wants to go out with me, like was mentioned earlier she just wants me to want her.

I finished up by telling her that none of her male friends liked her that much because they never stayed in contact with her, and if she was like she is to me to them then that would be why.

I have only been talking to her because my friend Kes told me to give it one more go. Why do I listen to her, she has worse problems than I do!

[[GLG] Sirius]

Well, i'm pretty much new here, however i've read through this thread and im gonna put my bit in.

First off, no wonder you are asking for advice here, you are getting played. Rotten.
All this Yes/No/Maybe stuff is obviously making you go mad, i can't even wrap my head around it, but that's women for you. If the places were swapped and this was me i would have gave up on this Page 1 or 2, however it's easy to say that when you arent in the situation, you obviously feel for this girl bigstyle, wether you know/believe it or not, I can tell from the way you speak about her.

To be honest i don't think this will sort itself out by waiting. The best course of action in my eyes would be a "proper" talk. (you know the one, it's reffered to as "The Talk"). As daunting as it may seem play the cards straight. Tell her what your feeling, and the reasons you have not said before( I.E. the confusing mixed signals that are radiating outta the girl from all angles ) and wait for the reply. If you get what you don't wanna hear then you have basically saved yourself allot of mental anquish.

I know it's crushing to hear someone doesnt want you, if that is indeed the case, but it's allot better than running back n forth trying to just work out where the hell you stand and in the long run you will get to the same result but it may do even more damage as it's been strung out for so long.

As for my experiences (engaged to be married) girls/woman love confidence. Just tell her the script and wait for her answer. Trust me, it will make things better whatever way it goes.

*edit* by the way spyrojyros_tail  , wouldnt happen to have been Donington's download there would it?

[M0T]

Right now this is a bit weird. The last thing she said to me last night was to organise a quick chat about possibly going away sometime this summer. Anyway I messaged her earlier about it and instead she asked me to go to the cinema as well as go up to london. Which seems a bit far away from a quick chat.

However, I'm pretty sure she has gone to a bar in town with a few of her friends (despite the fact that she said she wanted me to go with her next time she went). The only problem is that I know one of her friends fancies her and he keeps trying to get her really drunk because he wants to take advantage (he even said it to me!), she knows this but yet still sees him. She just seems to try to surround herself with as many people as possible regardless of how nasty they are and I just get worried that something is going to happen to her.

[Midgar]

MOT you should post a picture of her so that we can see if she is worth the pain and suffering from you.
Sirus you are correct, CONFIDENCE!

[M0T]

I am not posting a picture on the internet   

But she is absolutely stunning, trust me on this.