Author Topic: Sumimasen... (Read 10920 times)

Qhimm · « **on:** 2001-10-09 12:24:00 »

I'm sorry, but the new design won't be arriving for at least a while. My entire life has been turned into a complete mess, and right now I don't even see a way to begin to straighten things out. Virtually everything worth living for has vanished, or rather, I've realized most of it was never there to begin with.

Uni - mental strain, right now it seems impossible to handle.
Love - only leads to pain, I need to realize when to give up.
Home - home? I live in a skin-tight closet with no kitchen.
Music - the best way I had to flush out suppressed emotions, now the piano's tones are shallow and silent.
Drawing - once a good method to understand myself and my feelings, now it only brings out the pain once again.
Games - one of my primary sources for inspiration, now they all appear bleak.

I hope I can get out of this hell-hole I've gotten caught in, but my every source of strength now only remind me of what I've lost. I need time to sort this out, and I hope you all can understand and respect that.

~ The hollow, cracked outer shell of what was once Qhimm

eerrrr · « **Reply #1 on:** 2001-10-09 15:02:00 »

Woah, that sounds pretty bad Qhimm. It looks to me like the main problems are Uni and Love, they're just making everything else go all mad. I'm no expert at this stuff....so I cant really say much. I'm sure everyone else will have good advice for you. I just hope you sort everything out and become happy once again. I'm sure you'll get over it soon.
eerrrr.

M0T · « **Reply #2 on:** 2001-10-09 15:46:00 »

I feel the same way and yet i don't know why

at least if you fix thoose things you'll be ok, i dont know what i have to fix

.
well good luck on sorting it out.

Jedimark · « **Reply #3 on:** 2001-10-09 16:03:00 »

Oh... sh*t happens... Good luck sorting everything out Qhimm!

vvalentine · « **Reply #4 on:** 2001-10-09 18:40:00 »

Yep, I know how it is. I guess these things happen when you are in college or University away from home (I suppose you live by yourself). I had the same problems, but they usually go away.
Try having a Sabbath, I usually pick friday as my sabbath because I don't have school or work that day, I just stay home all day eating what I want, sleeping until I want to, take a bath (not shower) if it's possible. Watch cartoons (anime is prefered) all day if you want, and don't give a sh*t if you need to wash your clothes or to clean your room.

Most of all Sleep, and think of all the stuff that you want to do in the next days. I don't sociallize in school, and I don't usually date a lot. I date once in a while, and I definately want a girlfriend but love gets in the way of your goals. You are in university, so am I. You are a programmer, so am I. Being a social outcast is not that bad, it has its advantages. For example, the only place I sociallize is in my work, and that is only on the weekends. I replaced the need to have a girlfriend with the hobby of collecting anime. I still need 2 more years in College (University, Institute, whatever), and it's hard, but afterwards I will earn lots of money, work in a field that I like, and not have to worry about going to school in a long time (I want a Master's degree).

This is what I think when I am in the situation that you are now:
Why are you there? what are you doing in these 2 or 3 years? What for?
What is your top priority right now? If you moved out of your house, why did you moved out?. My main purpose that I came to live on my own, 200 miles away from my parents house, was that I wanted to go to the college that I am going now. It's expensive and hard, but that is the main purpose of why I moved out, nothing else. Cool it.

-vvalentine

Darkness · « **Reply #5 on:** 2001-10-09 20:53:00 »

yeah, good luck, man

dagsverre · « **Reply #6 on:** 2001-10-09 20:56:00 »

What can I say? Nothing that would help from where I sit I think. There's always the cliches...time heals all wounds and so on. I firmly believe in that but right now you might very well get such statements stuck in your throat so I'll leave it at this.

Know this though: This board shouldn't add to your problems. I'm pretty sure that whoever raises a critical voice about your participation is going to get hit pretty heavily by the majority on this board. You already know this of course. (Though there are times when the need for stating the obvious becomes strong.)

Best of luck with sorting it all out.

BTW, the fall certainly doesn't help either, rainy and dark by seven in the evening (for people in more southern regions: This is nothing, in December it will be dark like...four...). I get more depresssed if I only look out the window even if I don't have any major problems of this kind now (and so does everyone else seem to get as well). Helps to take a walk should the sun come out from the skies though.

[edited] 15 2001-10-09 22:02

chowderhead · « **Reply #7 on:** 2001-10-10 01:31:00 »

It's so hard not to lighten up sometimes.

Qhimm, your a talented guy-hell, looks like you're better at what you do now than I'll be at anything ever in my life. You ever hear the phrase "Jack of all trades, master of none"? Sometimes that's how I feel-and it gets me down. I'm okay at doing a lot of little different things, but seem to get in over my head easily. That sucks. I can draw. Kinda. I can work on cars. Kinda. I'm decent with computers. Kinda. It'd be nice to be good, really damn good at something, anything. I don't have to be the best. Just good enough to satisfy me. I hate my job, and hope I'll be good enough to do something that I enjoy one day (something that involves this beige little box I'm sitting in front of)-but that's a hell of a long way off. If I ever get there.

One of the things that attracted me to this board was that there were people with the same interests as me. Now, I know I don't post a lot, but I do enjoy reading many of the conversations that go on here, and I guess that makes me feel like a part of the whole thing. I live in the absolute boonies, with my toothless inbred redneck cousins who think RAM is a Dodge pickup truck. There are no people here with the same interests as me, and no one my age (gah! I'm 30 now!) who would even dare admit to "screwin around with some kid's video games" (as they would say-not me). Even my wife doesn't share my interests, but thank God she accepts me for who I am, and doesn't care that I'm interested in this stuff. It still sucks though, as I don't really have any friends at all to share my interests with. I can be totally alone in a room full of people, because we have nothing in common.

I guess what I'm saying is that to an extent, we all understand one aspect or another of what you're going through. It's tough as hell not to get down sometimes.

One thing I have learned is to appreciate subtleties. Hell, sometimes the little things you get are all you got.

I do know that regardless of the format this board is in, I'll keep coming to it-because you laid the foundation of this forum in content, not eye candy. And I think there are a lot of people here like me that think the same way-people that know that these places are few and far between, and appreciate it for what it is. Thank you for giving that to us.

-Scott

Sukaeto · « **Reply #8 on:** 2001-10-10 03:28:00 »

Hey, Qhimm, I feel for you.

I know all too well that pain that comes with woman troubles. It's one of the most unpleasant feelings (possibly THE most unpleasant.)

I hope every thing works out for you, and you're feeling better soon.

Sephiroth 3D · « **Reply #9 on:** 2001-10-10 03:44:00 »

I'm not sure if I'll have much to add that hasn't already been said, or even needs to be said, but I'll give it a try.

Qhimm... Life sometimes stinks. You get stuck in a bad job, your girlfriend dumps you, your teacher wants a 20-page essay due tomorrow, and to top it all off, you computer gets a virus.

We all have days where stuff like this happens to us. There are days where I just want to get into my ultra-comfortable car, and drive to a remote place, like a park, where I can sit back, breath in the crisp night air, and just stare at the stars.

What you need to do is think of the one thing you want to do more than anything, and just do it. Take a trip to Disneyland, stare at the stars, bake a cake, anything! Just think of what you want and go for it. Forget the consiqences, and just do it.

Life's too short to worry about what should and shouldn't be done. Life's an adventure, and we only get one go at it. Make sure it's one without regrets.

I suddenly feel like going skydiving...

Sephiroth 3D

"One who seeks knowledge from another person, doesn't learn half as much as the one who seeks knowledge for himself." - Vincent Valentine, The Sephiroth Chronicals, Book 1: Resurrection

[email protected]
Sephiroth 3D's Final Fantasy (Currently Offline)
Sephiroth 3D's Promised Land

vvalentine · « **Reply #10 on:** 2001-10-10 06:03:00 »

One idea, Why don't you cry? Yes, cry. Think of all the sh*t you have gone through, whether is about your girlfriend or about familly matters or whatever. Something that reminds you of painful memories. Lock yourself in your room, and cry until exhaustion. Then you will feel tired, and finally you will go to sleep. When you wake up, you will feel relieved. I have done that a few times (Yes, I do cry sometimes, there is nothing wrong with that, besides, no one knows me), and believe me it works. I was once in a situation where: My car broke down and couldn't use it for a week; I didn't get a date for valentine's day; I had financial problems; My manager was being an ass; I only had a few months from moving out (homesick); I didn't have any friends; Finals were coming and my grades weren't really good. I felt like sh*t, and I cried until my lungs said stop. Afterwards, I was relieved. You need to release that bundled-up stress someway, or your going to blow up. So remember, Crying is one of the many options, Going on a killing-spree is NOT.

-vvalentine

Qhimm · « **Reply #11 on:** 2001-10-10 10:59:00 »

I've cried, oh yes I've cried... Cried until I found myself lying collapsed on the floor. Cried until I had to change my clothes, wet from all the tears. And that was all before what happened in the last few days. :weep:

I've been living a lie, for longer than I probably suspected. I don't know whether to rip it out with its roots and try to heal it from the beginning, or to let the whole thing rest. None of my options seem fairly appealing, to say the least.

I need something to get my life back on track, a destination I've yet to see. Perhaps I should devote myself completely to something, just to get out of here. I can better deal with my problems when I'm at a safe mental distance.

Oh well, I'm sure this board would be better off without detailed briefings on my emotinal collapses

Edea · « **Reply #12 on:** 2001-10-10 11:22:00 »

Although I don't know you...I really hate to hear that you are having such a hard time. I know that nothing I say is gonna make you feel better, but I do wish you the best of luck and pray that you do get things straightened out. Just don't give up on anything.

Qhimm · « **Reply #13 on:** 2001-10-10 12:24:00 »

It's bad enough that some girls can't keep and appreciate nice guys, what's worse is that I had to fall in love with one of them

Caddberry · « **Reply #14 on:** 2001-10-10 18:14:00 »

good luck qhimm i sent you an email.. i hope it helps ya out.. as for the rest of this board.. i hope you guys are doing ok too.. sorry i havent been around as much.. life is getting to hectic..

vvalentine · « **Reply #15 on:** 2001-10-10 18:34:00 »

Fell in love? OUCH!!

Yeah, it freaking hurts when women do something to you and worst of all you fall in love with them. Sometimes I wish I could just be a Robot, or even more realistic, be asexual(no interest in any sex). Just be by yourself for a while. Even though I don't know you, you seem to be a cool guy. Women don't appreciate a nice guy. Sorry for the offense to the women here, but I have learned that women love jerks or people that treat them like sh*t. I have a woman as my roommate, and she has a boyfriend who yells at her. I wish I could tell her what a dumbass she is, but that is how many women are. Crap, it pisses me off.

-vvalentine

Jedimark · « **Reply #16 on:** 2001-10-10 20:30:00 »

Im always in and out of love.... quite recently I broke up with my girlfriend, amy, who I'd been going out with for just over a year and I'm already in love with someone else! I tell ya im a sucker when it comes to love!

Sukaeto · « **Reply #17 on:** 2001-10-11 00:37:00 »

Quote

On 2001-10-10 08:24, Qhimm wrote:
It's bad enough that some girls can't keep and appreciate nice guys, what's worse is that I had to fall in love with one of them

I know how that is, man. Over the summer, I almost fell in love with one of those girls. (Luckily, I found her out before I could . . . or maybe I was in love . . . I don't really know.) It really hurts, man.

Like I said in my last post, I hope everything works out for you.

Joey · « **Reply #18 on:** 2001-10-11 06:35:00 »

Geez.

you sound down, Qhimm. That girlfriend of yours is a whore for not sticking with you. Don't lie, Qhimm, I know that you have broke up with your girlfriend. I'm soooo sorry for you. It's just a girl. There are many more like her in this world, or your town. Well, I hope that u can get over with it soon.....Anyway, my big test is next tuesday, I hape to get 7As for it. My advice: Talk to someone. I've seen lots of my friends after a breakup like this and they handle this by hearing saaaaaad tunes like Love Love Love(Dreams Come True) and/or On My Own(Peach Union/Shazna).

"On My Own" - Original version, by Peach Union

Baby
no, it's not that I don't care
Maybe
it's a changing atmosphere
But I've seen the signs, I know
that it's right for me to go, I'm on my way

And when you think of yesterday
remember all the things we said
And through the course of history
I hope you'll still, remember me
And there can be no other way
there's nothing left for us to say
I've got to see this through alone
I've got to do this, on my own

Baby
you may think that is unfair
Maybe
I've got nothing left to share
And I've seen the signs, I know
that it's right for me to go, I'm on my way

So when you think of yesterday
remember all the things we said
And through the course of history
I hope you'll still, remember me
And there can be no other way
there's nothing left for us to say
I've got to see this through alone
I've got to do this, on my own

On my own...

So when you think of yesterday
remember all the things we said
And through the course of history
I hope you'll still, remember me
And there can be no other way
there's nothing left for us to say
I've got to see this through alone
I've got to do this, on my own

Joey · « **Reply #19 on:** 2001-10-11 06:41:00 »

Oh yes. I forgot to tell you that Enya's music works great too. Try singing lots of songs that helps you to get over with this hangover.

(Note:Both songs stated in my previous post can be available in Audiogalaxy

Sephiroth 3D · « **Reply #20 on:** 2001-10-11 07:30:00 »

VValentine: Actually, Asexual means you can reproduce by yourself. It doesn't mean you don't have an interest in sex.
Joey: Why would Qhimm want a girl just like her? I think he would want one who could appreciate him for being himself.

Joey2: Dreams come True - Is the version you're thinking of by SES? Cause that's the version I have, and I don't think of it as a sad song. (Probably cause I can't understand about 95% of the song, because I can't understand Japanese.)

Qhimm: Living a lie, huh? Hmm... That's something. How exactly is your life a lie? Is everything a lie, or is only a certain part a lie?

The main problem with most women (I apologize in advance if I offend anyone) is that most of them want one of 3 things: 1) Money, 2) A handsome guy they can brag about, or 3) Someone who can appreciate them, and love them.

Sadly, 1 and 2 are in an overwhelming abundance. #3 is the most rare, and the most satisfiying type of woman.

I've spent a long time watching other relationships rise and fall, and to my dissapointment, most women want a hot guy before they will even give them a chance at a date. After that, they want to pick your brain, and see if you truely love them. I've yet to witness a releationship that makes it past that mark, for the 2nd half can take anywhere from a few days to over a year to develop.

I'm not sure if this is helping. In fact, I'm sure that this is making it worse. I think I'll just shut up now, and not mention anything else.

I do hope you can find a way out of this funk and be able to feel inspired by life again. Best of luck.

Sephiroth 3D

"One who seeks knowledge from another person, doesn't learn half as much as the one who seeks knowledge for himself." - Vincent Valentine, The Sephiroth Chronicals, Book 1: Resurrection

[email protected]
Sephiroth 3D's Final Fantasy (Currently Offline)
Sephiroth 3D's Promised Land

Edea · « **Reply #21 on:** 2001-10-11 11:58:00 »

Sephiroth I'm glad you said "most" women because not all are like that and I would say that Qhimm will find that special one who will treat him like he deserves to be treated...it just takes time. Although I do agree that the biggest percentage of women are like that. Believe me...I know how women think!

Ant · « **Reply #22 on:** 2001-10-11 12:23:00 »

Sorry to hear that Qhimm:

Quote

Oh well, I'm sure this board would be better off without detailed briefings on my emotinal collapses

Maybe if you actually did the opposite and did tell the board someone may be able to help ya.

eerrrr · « **Reply #23 on:** 2001-10-11 15:11:00 »

Quote

On 2001-10-11 02:35, Joey wrote:
Geez. you sound down, Qhimm. That girlfriend of yours is a whore for not sticking with you. Don't lie, Qhimm, I know that you have broke up with your girlfriend.

Joey, don't assume Qhimm's just broken up with his girlfriend. That may be right, but it can hurt just as much to be in love with a girl who has no feelings for you whatsoever. And Qhimm may not think she's a whore and stuff cos of whatever happened.
I have no luck at all when it comes to love, I guess I'm not the average girl's material, maybe I'll have to find a not-so-average girl then...

vvalentine · « **Reply #24 on:** 2001-10-11 20:26:00 »

There was a woman (and still is, even after two years) that I really love. We met at work, and we totally connected. I like the way she is, her smile, and she is very cute. I really fell in love with her, I told her that I like her but I didn't tell her that I loved her.
Anyways, she seemed to like me or so I thought. I was waiting for the right moment to ask her out on a date, but then I got this stie in my eye (big bubble in the eyelid) and I couldn't ask her out like that (I wasn't feeling too confident with that stie). Weeks later there was this guy who always wanted to go out with her, and finally convinced her to go out with him. The guy was ugly as sh*t, but they she went out with him and eventually they became boyfriend and girlfriend.
I was totally depressed, couldn't eat, wanted to sleep all day and not go to work, and I couldn't face her. I stopped talking to her for 3 months. I had to sort out my feelings, and I realized that I was not responsible for her decisions and she can do whatever she wanted. It wasn't my time to love, because if I'm going to love someone it's going to be the woman I am going to marry.
She is the woman I love, and she is the woman I want to marry (not yet though). I had told her that and that she deserves a better man (better than me and the guy who she went out with). I don't live in the area where she lives, but I have heard that she is a player. I don't care what she does, all I know is that I love her by the way she is. People grow out of things like that(like being a player), for example, I used to be very irresponsible.
The point is that she didn't really hurt me, but made me reallize that I wasn't a better man than the guy she went out with. And it helps me to be motivated, to finish College, and to become a better man.

-vvalentine