The problem is..
Girls never say what they mean, and they never mean what they say. They expect us (men) to somehow, whether through ESP or whatever means, to interperet the correct un-spoken message they are hoping to send. They can't actually say it because that would take all the fun and challenge out of the relationship (mainly at your expense). I mean, my god, could you imagine the calamity that would befall the world if she actually told you what she really feels and means...
Case in point,
I met Sara (not her real name) at a training center. I was going through a very emotional and life-changing period in my life. She was there in a different program than me, so we would only see each other at lunch and after classes (it was a live-in facility). about half-way through my program, we were introduced and 'hit it off'. We spent more than a few hours talking about life, families, and relationships. We even went out on a couple of private dates, so we could speak more freely (with out other students around). We even had sex at the school (discretely). Due to a medical condition, she had to drop out of her program. Before she left, she gave me her phone number and address (which she only gave to 2 other people) and told me that she wanted to keep in touch with me. I finished my program a week later.
After I returned home, I found myself thinking about her a lot. So I found her number and gave her a call. We talked about our mutual friends at the school and re-talked over some subjects we had talked before. She invited me to come spend a weekend with her at her place. I packed some stuff, went down, and wound up spending 6 days with her. We had a lot of fun; talking, laughing, and spending time enjoying each others company. I finally, relunctantly came back to my place and realized just how much I enjoyed being with her. We keep up talking on the phone for 2-3 hrs at a time 3-4 times a week.
A couple of weeks later, she told me that her doctor had scheduled her for surgery the following week: coincidentaly on her birthday. I told her I wanted to come for her birthday, but I wanted to stay to help her after her surgery. I bought her some of her favorite perfume and other 'stuff' for her birthday. But I also cooked up some extra food so I wouldn't have to spend too much time cooking food for both of us. And I bought (and installed) some extra equipment to help her after her surgery. We celebrated her birthday a day early, and none of her family bothered to show up (even though they all live in the same town). We stayed up pretty late that night, as she was worried about her procedure, and I did my best to comfort and relax her. I spent the next 3 weeks with her, caring for her both through and after her surgery. We grew even closer together, both from the good and bad times we shared. She admitted to me that nobody had ever cared or supported her like I did.
I went home for a month, and we continued to talk a keep in almost constant touch. I went back at the end of November to share Thanksgiving with her and her family. She brought up that she was having a rough time financially due to her medicines and lack of mobility (she had her lower spine reconstructed). I suggested that maybe I could move in with her and help her out, both financially and around the house. She thought about it a little bit, and then agreed we could try it. I had to wait till after Christmas, due to my own family obligations, but January 2nd I moved in.
For the first couple of weeks, it went pretty smoothly. I showed her some tips on how to organize some things (like shopping) so that she didn't spend too much money running around to get stuff. We spent a portion of our combined income and bought enough groceries to last a month (or more), and budgeted some for rent, utilities, and an occasional dine-out/order-in. I did most of the cooking, and laundry. Suddenly, her old ex-fiance shows up and starts spending more and more time at the house. At first, I try to be cool and nice about, because I didn't want to cause any hard feelings (even though she had said that he was the probable cause for the fracture in her back). Pretty soon, he's sharing our meals, then he starts sleeping over (in the living room). Soon enough, they get into a fight. He storms out for a day, then comes right back, acting like nothing ever happened. I mention to her that she really needs to keep him from hanging around so much, both for her and his sake (since they fight so much). She agrees, talks to him, and he stays away.. for 2 days.
Now I'm starting to get resentful because:
1. Sara and I don't have our privacy anymore.
2. He's eating OUR money
3. He is upsetting her unnessessarily, and me too.
4. He's causing more stress in mine and Sara's relationship.
But, she keeps allowing him to come back, and every time I get more upset. Eventually, she starts thinking that I'M also causing her stress to. I set up a bed in another room, because she doesn't feel like she has any 'alone-time'. All of the sudden, she starts calling one of our (male)friend from the school. Soon, she starts asking me to leave the room when she talks to him, so she can 'have some privacy'. Meanwhile, I'm still doing most of the housework, because niether her nor her ex-fiance are up to it. The situation really starts to grate on me, now I find it hard to go to sleep because I'm so angry. Finally, on Feb.10 (coincidentally, right after we had spent most of our money paying her bills and shopping) she announces that she's going to spend 3-4 days at the '(male) friend's' house in a couple of days. The day before she leaves (and after I had been up all night fuming) I finally let her have it (verbally) right between the eyes. I didn't curse or swear alot, and I did't threaten or scream. But I let her know that I was EXTREMELY upset about her actions over the past 3-4 weeks. She tells me that maybe I should reconsider if I wanted to stay there or not. She calls me (at her house) 2 days later and tells me I need to leave. That she would feel better if I were gone when she returned home. It was Feb.14th, St. Valentines Day..
She still claims that she never promised me anything or did anything WRONG. That I just saw something that wasn't there, and all the problem was my fault.
