Spoke to Luksy and finally got this scene as it should be. Here's what's happening:
a. She is talking to herself. At one point she realizes Cloud has heard her.
b. In the first dialogue she is talking about the bomb and wondering if it should cause that much damage. Luksy says it's a dialogue to show how she is having first doubts about whether what Avalanche is doing is right. She then reasons that she followed the instructions on the computer, but perhaps made a mistake (which would account for the damage being so great). She didn't make a mistake, it's just she is taken aback by the power of the explosion. That's pretty hard to get across, but I've tried.
c. In the second dialogue she is talking about how it's only right to pay Cloud because there was a verbal agreement. She worries about Avalanche's finances and reasons she will have to check them again in light of the fact Cloud will be paid a lot of money.
This exchange hasn't been localized properly until now.
Original:
Jessie
“Oops…”{NEW}
“Hey, look at the news…
What a blast.”{NEW}
“Think it was all because of my bomb?
But all I really did was just make it
like the computer told me.”{NEW}
“Oh no!
I must've made a miscalculation somewhere.”
------------------------------
Jessie
“Hey, that was my first bomb.
Makes me kinda proud.”
------------------------------
Jessie
“Money…”{NEW}
“Oh my.
It must have been for a lot of it.”{NEW}
“Sure!
Well, what the hell? It's a verbal agreement.
Now let me figure this out.”
------------------------------
“Oh stop it, {CLOUD}!
Did you hear me?”
R04:
#xy 176 88
Jessie
“(Oopsie!)”{NEW}
“(Hey,look at the news…
What a blast!)”{NEW}
“(Was that really
because of my bomb?)”{NEW}
“(All I did was follow
instructions on the
computer.)”{NEW}
“(Oh no!
Have I miscalculated?)”
------------------------------
#xy 168 88
Jessie
“(Still,it was a great little bomb.
Made me feel proud.)”
------------------------------
#xy 168 8
Jessie
“(Money…)”{NEW}
(…Well,a lot was
promised,after all.)”{NEW}
“(Yeah,definitely!
It was an agreement.)
Now,time to figure this out…”
------------------------------
#xy 192 16
Jessie
(Oh no,it’s {CLOUD}!
I think he heard me!)
R05:
#xy 176 88
Jessie
“(Wow! Look at the news…
What a blast.)”{NEW}
“(Should it really do that
much damage,though?)”{NEW}
“(I followed all the
instructions on here.)”{NEW}
“(…Unless I made a mistake?)”
------------------------------
#xy 168 88
Jessie
“(Still,it was a good bomb.
Made me feel proud.)”
------------------------------
#xy 168 8
Jessie
“(Money…)”{NEW}
(Well,a lot was
promised,after all.)”{NEW}
“(Yeah,definitely!
It was an agreement.)”{NEW}
“(Looks like I’ll have to check
on the finances again now,too.)”
------------------------------
#xy 192 16
Jessie
(Oh no! It’s {CLOUD}!
I think he heard me.)
I am not sure if "check on the finances" sounds right to an American.