I speak for myself in all of this.
When "Shin-Ra" is referring to a single entity (company or person) then it is singular and "was" should follow when needed.
Materia is like the word "fish".
Remember that Final Fantasy VII is it's own world. It has its own ways.
I've checked the remaining red and green names in the document.
On some of them, y'all seemed to have made the right call. On the rest of them, I have no idea.
{CLOUD}
“I couldn't finish 'em.
This is gonna get complicated.”
“{AERIS}?
How did you know that name?
You must be…”{NEW}
{RED XIII}
“They have come here on a journey
to save the planet.”{NEW}
“Why don't you show them
your apparatus?”
Bugenhagen
“Reaching up into the heavens, threatening
to snatch the very stars from the great
city of Midgar. You've seen it, haven't you?”
Elder Hargo
“I hope great Bugenhagen will take care and
not overexert himself.”{NEW}About Cloud's. That's the way he talks. To me, it's relaxed English. Proper enough to understand, but chilled out at the same time.
About Aeris's. Though I don't know the context nor what was said beforehand and afterward, I see nothing wrong with what she said.
About RED XIII's. How would that character speak in that moment? Would he say "they" or "Cloud and his friends"? If "apparatus" fits the context, you mightest well leave it in.
About Bugenhagen. That seems speech worthy. Just do something about the comma in the first line. Replace it with a "..." perhaps?
About Elder Hargo. “I hope
the great Bugenhagen will take care not
to overexert himself.”
Bugenhagen
“Was Shin-Ra trying to use Materia,
as a weapon?”{NEW}
“Materia are concentrated spiritual energy,
shards of the planet's life.
They are not to be used as weapons.”{NEW}
“We must stop them…
The planet is far too weak as it is…”I combined both translations into what seemed to work best.
It really depends on who's talking. In Cloud's case, good grammar is in character. In Cid's case, not so much.
^This.
Be careful to preserve character personalities. If their styles of speech (Barret) are removed then they'll all sound exactly the same.
Voice differentiation. Keep it.
Ever read Foresight by EJ McBride? The Russians, man. They all sound the same. Even the only three important Russian characters sound
exactly the same. There were times when I wasn't sure which one was talking. They weren't even in the same chapters.
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