Author Topic: wtf? (Read 6710 times)

xLostWingx · « **on:** 2013-01-07 04:23:00 »

All of a sudden she said shes done. Says no chance in the future. No Fights. No Cheating. 7 Years together. Wtf Mate?

DLPB_ · « **Reply #1 on:** 2013-01-07 05:26:33 »

Happened to my cousin other week... 5 years but she came clean and said she had feelings for someone else. So she's gone. I found it hard to understand given the length of time they were together and seemed extremely happy. Sorry to hear it's happened to you, it's gonna be bad for you for a long while but keep your chin up.

LeonhartGR · « **Reply #2 on:** 2013-01-07 11:22:58 »

Happened to a friend 6years together, she broke up with him. Told him she was cheating him for the last 3 years of their relationship. He's 42 now... torn apart. Whatever... I truly wonder why to spend so much time with someone you are not satisfied with and waste his time from finding a mate that he really fits with...

Personally I was not in a better situation since I can't get a relationship with a woman I prefer at all while I can get with women I don't like... But the one I liked that confessed to me what stands for as a "true" love (not only with words but with actions too), she was married with another man and after she cheated on him with me she stayed with him in the end. He doesn't know a thing nor does her brother... Now there are only pictures with them together on Facebook enjoying their "virtual" world they have built within their minds... "Options" I guess... I can't explain how those people think... and this particular girl was telling me that she used to hate people who go with others while in a relationship... how about being married. Now... go figure...!

P.S.: I personally suggest you don't even bother to explain all this... you'll go insane... show character and never accept her back and if she doesn't come back, do like you never met her before, if she returns do the same, like you were never met but with no frustration showing on your face, throw away every feeling and I know how hard this is (of course if nothing like a health issue is present or a sudden death of someone she loved)... she must experience the consequences of her own actions and be shocked like the shock she caused on you...

nfitc1 · « **Reply #3 on:** 2013-01-07 12:25:57 »

Gotta go with Leonhart on this one. Don't try to figure it out. Chances are she can't even explain it to you. I wouldn't except her back either. After seven years she just decides it isn't working all on her own without talking to you about it (heaven forbid!!!) the she's not long-term commitment material.

gjoerulv · « **Reply #4 on:** 2013-01-07 12:30:18 »

Breakups can searisly f* people up. My brother had a hard time with a break 2 years ago. Not the same man since.

Stay strong, man. I know it's though.

Hellbringer616 · « **Reply #5 on:** 2013-01-07 13:19:00 »

Since my longest relationship has only ever been a year i can't say i feel your pain because though it hurt, I'm sure it's no where near as bad.

But my ex broke up with me on my birthday, didn't give me a reason, Just "we can't be together, I'm sorry" and left, no warning signs, no distance between us. Just suddenly poof, Drives me batshit crazy to be honest

LeonhartGR · « **Reply #6 on:** 2013-01-07 13:45:46 »

Huh! When I was a student in college an ex broke up with me on my name's day (it's a Christian fest) and told me that she met someone else from the party we were in while we were in the house where the party was on. She also had a permanent relationship with another man from her birth place that she is now married with... I just left and a girl I didn't like escorted me in her place.

Of course I didn't want to do anything with the girl but days later we had a relationship because she liked me and I appreciated her support all this time. Well months later she broke up with me for no reason and went with another man that owned a car and was driving her to entertaining places. She also had a boyfriend in her birthplace that I learned about later... just makes you laugh...

nfitc1 · « **Reply #7 on:** 2013-01-07 14:48:34 »

It kind of sickens me that women feel they can just end a relationship as casually as that. Well, I guess some men are that fickle too so I'll generalize more. I feel that if someone really wants to end a relationship that they owe the other person an explanation. Both people have invested at least SOME time into the relationship so they should both have an understanding of why it's ending. It's horribly and disgustingly inconsiderate and selfish to just drop another person without a word of explanation.

xLostWingx · « **Reply #8 on:** 2013-01-07 15:39:15 »

Heh, appreciate the responses. Gonna put it in the bullshit column and keep building my life as I have been. Unfortunately the blueprint looks like someone scribbled some lines on it and tried to erase them. Oh FF modding community, the one-stop shop for any and all of life's problems.

Hellbringer616 · « **Reply #9 on:** 2013-01-07 17:47:07 »

It's because even though we are all master troubleshooters, programming experts, hackers, and modeling gods... We're still people. And we like to take care of our good peeps

xLostWingx · « **Reply #10 on:** 2013-01-07 18:20:46 »

My training is in Psychology! - and it makes no sense to me.

EDIT: Thinking about playing some VII =D Revisited Kernel with Lost Wing scene, i hear it calling.

LeonhartGR · « **Reply #11 on:** 2013-01-08 05:26:41 »

We are players-gamers... try to play like others play with your sanity... Far Cry 3 is another one of my previous year's favorites!

And remember: Drive safe!

Vgr · « **Reply #12 on:** 2013-01-09 18:01:30 »

I've been through that a few times. It never was as much bad as seven years, but still. I lasted 2 years and a half with my first girlfriend. However we both found out it couldn't work after some time. We could only see each other once or twice a year, too. And then time passed. I got other girlfriends, none worked well for many reasons. Then I met her. She was really pretty and I fell in love. We were 8 months together. Then she left me "because I couldn't control my anger." At the time, I worked on myself to try to get her back, but after some time, I told myself "fuck it, I'm gonna work on myself for me and not for her." I had cried, though. I told myself I didn't want any girlfriend before a long time. Well, guess what? Life told me I would have a girlfriend. Well, my long-time friend did. I really liked her but didn't want to ruin our friendship. I guess this short failure of a relationship sort of did, sadly. I'm just doomed to be forever alone. But, this isn't over. I met this girl over IRC some time ago, and I really liked her. We got along, but one day, after some thinking, I thought we couldn't be together, that we were too different and all that shit. It made her really sad. I mistakenly thought she didn't love me back all along. Well, I was wrong, obviously. So many reasons and yet, I guess one was more important. I was being a total idiot, but I liked another girl since some time. It made me really happy that she loved me, too. I am still single, as I do not want to ruin everything if it doesn't work. I told myself, if it works for two-three months, then I'll consider it. This was yesterday.

TL;DR - Shit happens. Get over it, you're better than that. It's hard, but you can.

That was Vgr's daily slice of life

Have a good day everyone

xLostWingx · « **Reply #13 on:** 2013-01-09 18:11:15 »

Oh vgr, as few similarities as there are between what you described and what is happening with me, its the thought that counts lol. Thanks.

Vgr · « **Reply #14 on:** 2013-01-09 18:14:10 »

Heh, no prob. As Hellbringer says, we might be hackers, modders, reverse-engineers, players and any other ers, we are still humans, and we all have our problems, but we must get over them. Because we are better than that.

ajthedj747 · « **Reply #15 on:** 2013-01-09 19:43:56 »

@xLostWingx - I hope your week is going better for you.

If it helps you any, I found the job of my dreams - Marco's Ah! thentic Pizza (I am a delivery driver and proud of it). Good riddance from Domino's Pizza; I am glad I was terminated. That was the first time I have been fired from a job. It felt great. I understand that Domino's Pizza is international, and that Marco's Pizza is only in the United States of America. Marcos is more American-Italian than Italian style.

I shall inform the one I love about what happened. We will both conjure the powers of Pazoozoo [King Spirit of the Wind and Locus] and summon LEGION to counter attack Lucifer and end the World Financial Crisis of 2013. Then all the women of the world who have made foolish life decisions will meet Ultimate Enlightenment and heal all that was wounded in men's souls.

My apologies and a thousand pardons if I offend anyone with this, because I am dead serious about defeating evil with evil.

My inspiration:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Exorcist

Vgr · « **Reply #16 on:** 2013-01-10 16:49:11 »

Quote from: ajthedj747 on 2013-01-09 19:43:56

Then all the ~~women~~ people of the world who have made foolish life decisions will meet Ultimate Enlightenment and heal all that was wounded in ~~men~~ everyone's souls.

Fixed that for you.

xLostWingx · « **Reply #17 on:** 2013-01-10 17:23:31 »

Thanks. Good Luck with the new job. Things were going a lot better - then yesterday I essentially demanded that we spend some time talking about it and 2 hours of txting was all I was able to get and it was not a pleasant 2 hours. I got a lot of the answers and explanations, and I thought that would help, but no - things feel as bad as they did 5 days ago again. As disgusting as it is to me to wave goodbye to those 6/7 years...it seems like thats what is going to happen and apparently what needs to happen. I guess takes the fact that I never took her dancing or ice skating (her words) as an indicator that in the future we would not be doing things like that. Nevermind the trails, beaches, museums, etc. we visited...it should have been dancing and ice skating. And nevermind the fact we were both in college and not exactly financially stable for these years....apparently our relationship and behaviors would have been exactly the same in 5 months when we both have real careers and she was wearing a permanent ring on her finger. Thats all news to me...she believes she would not be happy...she never mentioned being unhappy for any signficant length of time during our relationship, I never heard her ask for me to take her iceskating...I should have known things that weren't being said and acted on things I didn't know. So she says.

But yeah...really wanted to avoid prolonging this thread, but any outlet I can find is a good one today.

nfitc1 · « **Reply #18 on:** 2013-01-10 18:24:45 »

Ouch, man. Terrible explanation, but at least you got one. If she's been playing the intimacy game (what that behavior is actually called, but if you're a psych major you probably know that) then she's not mentally or emotionally ready for a stable relationship. Problem is there's no way to get some people to open up about these kinds of things if they're not explicitly told "don't assume that anyone will just know what you want" by someone they trust. If her rationalization is "you should know me better" then the apparent response should be "I can't know anything you're thinking that I'm not told." Anyone who expects more has too high expectations and will always be let down.

Also, texts?! Salt in the wound. I broke up with a girl over email and she didn't let me forget it when we got back together. Glad I didn't end up with her, actually.

xLostWingx · « **Reply #19 on:** 2013-01-10 18:40:39 »

Psychologically speaking I can't really give a valid opinion because of bias, transference, blah blah etc. However, I am familiar with her mental health history, and I didn't conduct those evaluations so they can be assumed to have some level of validity considering only certified and licensed professionals can make diagnoses. She does have Borderline Personality Disorder...and that has been a major part of our relationship. But I come from a family full of major mental disorders, practically all my friends have a diagnosable mental disorder...basically its one of the things that I could actually help her with and deal with because I had already been doing so for others for most of my life.

Check it out

Quote

Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others.

These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships.

People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. As a result, their interests and values may change rapidly.

People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.

The outlook depends on how severe the condition is and whether the person is willing to accept help. With long-term talk therapy, the person will often gradually improve.

This could explain the entire situation alone. But nothing like this has happened before so idk. I think I might just have to move on...she won't find someone whos going to be as understanding of her mental state (unless her mental state changes) or be willing to deal with it (unless he is one hell of a guy) the way I did. Or maybe she will, who knows. Just need to continue getting my thoughts and feelings out to friends and family and qhimm forums lol.

EDIT: Thanks NFITC1. Your comment helped me to remember that she does in fact have BPD. And the reason I had forgotten was because our relationship had done a lot to (or so it seemed) "cure" her of many of the symptoms. It had been awhile since she had an episode...so it stands to reason that the first major episode after a long period of calm winds and still waters would occur in a way like it has. Started looking at other people's accounts of their relationships with BPD partners and they all say virtually the same things and the things they say nearly all apply to my current situation. I don't feel much better, but at least I have a perspective from which I can examine the situation where the data supports the hypothesis.

Vgr · « **Reply #20 on:** 2013-01-10 22:44:03 »

I know many people with mental disorders as well. It's not always easy. I always try to help them out, but it's not always easy. I considered studying in that, but I still don't think I have the patience. Electricity is more my thing

LeonhartGR · « **Reply #21 on:** 2013-01-12 03:15:19 »

The definition of Insanity