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Off-topic forums => Completely Unrelated => Topic started by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-27 12:07:26

Title: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-27 12:07:26
See subject.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Jedimark on 2006-05-27 14:45:03
Hmm, it's a social state I guess.
You are friends with someone when you chose to spend time with them / enjoy their company and treat them in the same way you would like to be treated. Friendship is that bond.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Lieron on 2006-05-27 14:59:27
Quote
friend·ship    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (frndshp)
n.
1.  The quality or condition of being friends.
2.  A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer.
3.  Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.
(Dictionary.com)


sorry had to do it 0.o
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Relf on 2006-05-27 16:50:13
I just view it as a measure of trust in someone, for reasons exclusive of being otherwise related.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-05-27 17:20:29
Being able to tell someone brutal and honest truths.

Either that or knowing that its your turn to speak when the other guy has a beer can to his mouth.  :lol:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-05-27 21:13:16
Caring what someone else thinks and caring about how they are.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Radiosity on 2006-05-27 22:27:02
Someone to lean on and in turn be leaned upon by. In theory that should be able to last a lifetime but rarely seems to these days. There's much more of an emphasis on '#1' nowadays, so much so that even friends can end up hating each other over the stupidest of little things. Sad really, that we live in a world like that.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-28 16:41:57
Awww, such nice people. :-)

Have a used beer, low mileage, very cuddly:

(http://pendragon.mine.nu/nucleus/media/1/friendship_beer.jpg)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Covarr on 2006-05-28 16:45:07
(http://members.tripod.com/~Ready4NW/ship2.JPG)
This is the friend ship.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Jedimark on 2006-05-28 17:14:10
Awww, such nice people. :-)

Have a used beer, low mileage, very cuddly:
I don't wanna be your friend if you offer them used beers! I want a nice, fresh, cool beer!
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Relf on 2006-05-28 17:44:45
If you don't mind me asking, what do you think friendship is, Jari?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-28 18:18:43
I agree with Radiosity and Jedimark.

I don't wanna be your friend if you offer them used beers! I want a nice, fresh, cool beer!

(http://pendragon.mine.nu/nucleus/media/1/frozen_beer.jpg)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-05-28 20:54:11
Real friendship is hard to find these days. Sometimes I wonder if it even exists at all. In Dutch there's a song about this, translated in English it is:

"At a certain time you get to the conclusion, friendship is an illusion. Friendship is a dream, a packet of garbage covered by a thin layer of chrome". (It sounds better in Dutch)

To me, friendship is first of all the ability to be yourself around someone. Not having to put up a show, be someone you're not. Secondly, it is a form of trust. Not just trust like telling someone a secret, a deeper trust. And ofcourse love. The love you get from friends is very different from the kind you get from a relationship, but not at all worth any less. Lovers come and go, friends remain.

Ofcourse friendship is the small things too, drinking beer, whiskey with a good cigar, hanging around, talking politics, love, life, philosphy. Laughing, crying. Not seeing someone for 2 weeks and there being no problem with that from both sides. Those are however part of the bigger picture, which I pointed out above.

I've only got a handfull of real friends. My father is probably my best friend, as is my mom. The real friends I do have I treasure very much. I've got a lot of people I like to be around, just for fun. Friends are different though. They're there for you, even if you don't feel like having fun.

Real friends are truly priceless.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-05-29 14:14:32
Friends let you abuse them and get away with it.  :wink:
Thats how most teenage friendships are anyways...
1. Make friends with them by (time+quality) make them feel nice
2. You start to play with them physically (not that way! [yet]  :wink:)
3. You start to hit them and make fun of them, and that somehow boosts relationships
4. I never been here yet.
And may I ask, Jari, why do you ask this question?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-05-29 14:38:33
Emerald Weapon just wrote a speech and complex essay!

He had a quote and everything.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Covarr on 2006-05-29 16:19:43
A fake friend will rat on you if you break a rule.
A friend will keep your secret.
A true friend will be helping you break that rule.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Lieron on 2006-05-29 18:12:27
Er, usually isnt it a friend that stops you?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-29 19:13:36
Emerald Weapon: Awww. Beer for you too. You can pick the one you want, cool or regular. :P
 
And may I ask, Jari, why do you ask this question?
You may. :-D
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-05-29 23:58:32
A real friend doesn't lie to you and lead you on about things.

I have a female friend who has decided to break my heart.

She told me she only wanted to be friends with me, i felt fine about it.
Then recently she has been getting closer to me, and I just thought it was my imagination, until today she admitted she was deliberatly leading me on for her amusement. The sad part is I genuinely cared about her and wanted to be her friend, and recently much more, and she just destroyed it for a few laughs with her mates. It got worse because after that point she admitted that she was in love with someone else and he didn't want her, so thats why she was doing it to make herself feel better.

I told her that as a friend I could have helped her out, but not how she was using me.

I feel like total crap.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-30 01:20:10
And there you have it; real friendship.

You see, we only like to think that friendship is all these good things, like loyalty.

In reality friendship is a symbiotic process of abuser and a loser. Loser is the old fashioned nice guy, believes in being there for his friend and all that stuff. Often low on self esteem, too. Abuser on the other hand has figured out what a friendship really means; people you can use for your amusement and then throw away, when you have taken everything they had to give.

I would recommend being an abuser. It hurts lot less.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sukaeto on 2006-05-30 03:44:07
I think the whole loser/abuser thing is typical among male/female relationships.

I'm not sure how women are with each other, but male/male friendships tend more often to be those of mutual respect (both guys will help each other out and "got each others' backs").

With male/female, however, I see lots of cases where the dude is a player just out for sex or a rise, or where the woman is a cold-hearted bitch using the nice guy for emotional/monetary/what-have-you support until, as Jari said, she can throw him away in favor of a "new toy".
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-05-30 09:55:03
I would recommend being an abuser. It hurts lot less.

But does it make you feel good? Or better in the end?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-30 09:57:49
I wouldn't know.

But it surely can't make you feel worse than being the loser. I have experience of that.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-05-30 11:26:17
She was playing me because she wanted my help for an exam she has this week, stupid cow.

Jari is right, its much easier to be the abuser than the loser.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-05-30 12:44:21
I agree, it probably is easier to be the abuser than the loser. However, you do have to play a game with some all the time, you have to act.
Keeping that up all the time also seems like a hard thing to do. Your conscience has to kick in at a certain point, right? Then again some people seem to lack conscience or have it turned off. And the worst ones are the ones abusing you without even knowing it.

So, practically it is easier, yeah. Morally however, being the abuser isn't that easy at all.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-05-30 12:46:34
Heh, its kinda funny all my friends that i have now were bullies and abusers. I mean when I first met my two friends in primary school they lead me on for ages and were laughing behind my back, i thought i could really trust one of them but he was in cahoots with the other! Later on when that was over and we hit secondary school we bullied another one of my friends for ages. And until this day we still pick on one of our friends (although its all ment in good humor). I dunno what to say, but it seemed to work out in the end and we would all be very close now.

Although I can say for definite that chicks suck ass when it comes to friendship, they either screw you over totally or are your best friend.

She was playing me because she wanted my help for an exam she has this week, stupid cow.

Jari is right, its much easier to be the abuser than the loser.



Lol, that happened me too. But you learn from it and if your smart then it shouldnt happen again, when I look back at how one girl strung me along I was really really stupid and I should have seen the signs and put a stop to it myself. I think that fellas especially should not be too nice (around 30 - 40% asshole) try and find a happy medium between being a loser and abuser, take some abuse, but give some too.

I would agree that somer people use friendship as a way of getting what they want, but never confuse that with actual friendship, otherwise you will think everyone is like that. Man if i never did stuff cuz it hurt me the first time, i would never drink again im my life!  :lol:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-30 13:27:06
Your conscience has to kick in at a certain point, right?
I think that you answered your own question; many - if not all - abusers don't seem to have conscience. Either this notion of conscience kicking in is mistaken because of our point of view - we have never tried the other side, or there is more evolved group of people who have disposed of this thing called conscience. I believe that these people have name too... ...ok, no political joke this time.

Be that as it may, they win.

I would agree that somer people use friendship as a way of getting what they want, but never confuse that with actual friendship, otherwise you will think everyone is like that.
They are not? :?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Relf on 2006-05-30 20:11:36
Easier for me to be the loser. I actually loose sleep at night over things that I do, however, I don't loose sleep over people who are cruel to me.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Covarr on 2006-05-31 03:30:32
http://bitsandpieces1.blogspot.com/2006/05/true-friendship.html
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-05-31 08:34:16
(http://pendragon.mine.nu/nucleus/media/1/rofl.gif)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-02 17:03:36
Another interesting question, can you be friends with someone you are attracted to or will sex always get in the way?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-02 17:19:45
If the other person is not attracted to you, sex shouldn't be a problem, right? :P

*gets serious*

I think that you can, attraction in itself shouldn't be a problem (unless you are like totally head over heels, or something), but with mutual attraction and sex there's potential for disaster. I would think twice, or three times, before having sex with a really good friend.

That being said, there are divorced couples who remain really close friends. So, there's nothing that will ruin a friendship with absolute certainty.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-02 19:13:05
Well I am head over heels for the girl and she is attracted to me, but just wants to be friends. I don't really know what to do, everytime I feel fine about it all I see her and just go crazy again. The weird thing is I don't get whats stopping her, she has no boyfriend, she really likes me as a person and I know she is attracted to me. It's like all the ingredients are there, the recipe book is open but the chef is scared of making the dish.

Why couldn't it have been a simple situation? Why do girls seem to try and complicate everything, all my male gay friends I know will just go up to each other and say they like each other. All my female friends play games to achieve the same result, and what do they gain from that?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-06-02 19:51:31
Women are complicated, life is complicated, everything's complicated. End of story [and life, pretty much].

 :-(
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-02 19:52:10
All my female friends play games to achieve the same result, and what do they gain from that?
Pleasure of manipulating males and displaying the power they hold over us? :P

There's no answer to your question, except that girls do what girls do. You'll just have a brain aneurysm from all the useless thinking if you try to figure out why.

She could have number of reasons; she might be afraid that she'll lose a friend if it goes wrong, she might be secretly lusting after some other dude, she could be just playing hard to get. Or - if you believe the ladder theory - you might be on the friend-ladder and in that case you have no chance in hell, sorry. :|

Just one advice; don't force the issue, or you might lose a friend.

Standard disclaimer; I am the last person who should answer questions like this, so it's probably best to do the exact opposite of what I said.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-02 21:28:18
Well I am head over heels for the girl and she is attracted to me, but just wants to be friends. I don't really know what to do, everytime I feel fine about it all I see her and just go crazy again. The weird thing is I don't get whats stopping her, she has no boyfriend, she really likes me as a person and I know she is attracted to me. It's like all the ingredients are there, the recipe book is open but the chef is scared of making the dish.

Why couldn't it have been a simple situation? Why do girls seem to try and complicate everything, all my male gay friends I know will just go up to each other and say they like each other. All my female friends play games to achieve the same result, and what do they gain from that?

I was in love with a good friend of mine 3 years ago or so, and then it turned out she was attracted to women...ever thought of that as a possibility? We are very good friends now, she one of my best female friends, maybe even because of that.
Reasons can be many. Many more than all members of this forum could possibly come up with. They might be major reasons like not wanting a relationship a this moment in time or not feeling up to it, or completely idiotic ones in your eyes, such as the way you eat your breakfast. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is the same as everyone else. You probably will not know for sure unless you confront here directly. However, that may not be the wisest course of action.
I do not know if you know if she knows that you know that you are crazy about her and if she knows, that knowingly changes the situation. (Allright, I'll admit that last one was on purpose  :wink:)
Girls are most of the time dangerously good at detecting things like this, so let's assume she knows. That might then just be the reason she's acting "weird". She might not want to hurt your feelings and therefore keep her distance, or she might actually like you too and just not know how to act. But, here we go again, more speculation. If she does not know, and you have been good at conceiling it, then it's probably best to keep it that way.
You said you know she's at least attracted to you, that complicates the situation even more. She might be pondering day and night whether or not she'll give in to her feelings or not. And we could continue speculating untill the end of the universe.

The things that you have to consider are:

- How crazy in love am I?
- Am I willing to risk my friendship with her? (and perhaps her friends, which might be yours)
- If both are a wholeheartedly YES!, how am I going to tell her?

And Jari said the most important thing: [Dr.Philmode]DO NOT EVER FORCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS![/Dr.Philmode]

Do this and succes is guaranteed! That'll be 200 dollar then. I'll PM my bankaccountnumber. :-P

To visualize the situation:

(http://www.prayingscriptures.com/thinkimages/chart6-supermom.gif)

(http://audi.nomadlife.org/uploaded_images/woman%204-740028.jpg)

Good luck with it!


Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-02 22:17:24
I was in love with a good friend of mine 3 years ago or so, and then it turned out she was attracted to women...ever thought of that as a possibility? We are very good friends now, she one of my best female friends, maybe even because of that.

When I first met her she catagorically denied she was a lesbian.

Reasons can be many. Many more than all members of this forum could possibly come up with. They might be major reasons like not wanting a relationship a this moment in time or not feeling up to it, or completely idiotic ones in your eyes, such as the way you eat your breakfast. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is the same as everyone else. You probably will not know for sure unless you confront here directly. However, that may not be the wisest course of action.

She has told admitted to me that she does not want to be tied to anyone because she is fiercely independant, I don't know if its because I am not the right person to change that or if its something else.

I do not know if you know if she knows that you know that you are crazy about her and if she knows, that knowingly changes the situation. (Allright, I'll admit that last one was on purpose  :wink:)
Girls are most of the time dangerously good at detecting things like this, so let's assume she knows. That might then just be the reason she's acting "weird". She might not want to hurt your feelings and therefore keep her distance, or she might actually like you too and just not know how to act. But, here we go again, more speculation. If she does not know, and you have been good at conceiling it, then it's probably best to keep it that way.

She thought I didn't like her because apparently I was very distant with her. But about a month ago she accused me of wanting to sleep with her and told me she just wanted to be friends, but thats not the way she is acting any more. At the time it seemed a bit of a knee jerk reaction to try and push me away. If anything her saying that was completely out of character considering what she had been saying up to and past that point, e.g. she told me she would dress up in a playboy bunny suit for me, beggining of the week I made a joke about the milk tray man delivering chocolates and sex, she said that I was in fact the milk tray man and said she wanted a visit before she woke up for a non chocolate delivery. She will say a load of things like that, then suddenly go all cold.

You said you know she's at least attracted to you, that complicates the situation even more. She might be pondering day and night whether or not she'll give in to her feelings or not. And we could continue speculating untill the end of the universe.

Yeah when I met her she came up to me in a bar and started chatting me up. What then happened is we found out that we had a lot in common and it became a bit obvious that if anything were to happen it would be serious. Then she stopped talking to me. Thats when I apparently became distant. Personal opinion was that she liked me, got scared and decided to get over me by pushing me away, and is now falling for me again

The things that you have to consider are:

- How crazy in love am I?
- Am I willing to risk my friendship with her? (and perhaps her friends, which might be yours)
- If both are a wholeheartedly YES!, how am I going to tell her?

Very Crazy in love, when I don't talk to her I feel like ass.
I don't know if I can be friends with her whilst having feelings this strong for her.

And Jari said the most important thing: [Dr.Philmode]DO NOT EVER FORCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS![/Dr.Philmode]

Do this and succes is guaranteed! That'll be 200 dollar then. I'll PM my bankaccountnumber. :-P

At the moment I am just sitting back and seeing what she does. I am hoping that it may be a fear of being in a relationship that is holding her back, which she has admitted to and since then she has been a bit different with me. If you had been in the position I have then you can see a huge mountain of evidence for her only wanting to be friends but also wanting more. But if she only wants to be friends then she is playing me like a guitar.

Edit: If I am honest with you I have to admit to this. After I first met her and we were getting closer I told her about an ex I had broken up with a few weeks before I met her because I wanted to explain why I was off the rails a bit when we first met. She understood and we were in contact every day. I said I'd put some music up on my website for her to download, and sent her the link. I didnt hear from her for a week and this was after 2 emails a day. I had a look at my website log to see if anyone had been on and she had, she had also looked through all of my photos from the summer. In all of the photos I was in was my ex who happens to look a lot like her, and at the time I kicked myself because it was obvious she had seen them and was probably the reason she stopped speaking to me. If we work on the ladder theory then I imagine I got booted to the bottom of her friends she likes ladder and have slowly been working my way back up again. Since I am fairly certain I have been on the attractive ladder I'm pretty sure I can go back there.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-02 22:45:45
When I first met her she catagorically denied she was a lesbian.

Well, that's one reason down. 225748239 more to go.

She has told admitted to me that she does not want to be tied to anyone because she is fiercely independant, I don't know if its because I am not the right person to change that or if its something else.

Sounds like a bit of a non-reason to me. Unless she's actually got a grounded fear to bond, it's probably a way of saying either one of two things: a) I do not want a relationship with you and am using this as a cover-up b) I do want a relationship, but am just really scared it will bind me and "cut my wings". In the case of the latter  it's up to you to make her feel at ease and assure her that's not going to happen. In the former, there's nothing you can do.

She thought I didn't like her because apparently I was very distant with her. But about a month ago she accused me of wanting to sleep with her and told me she just wanted to be friends, but thats not the way she is acting any more. At the time it seemed a bit of a knee jerk reaction to try and push me away. If anything her saying that was completely out of character considering what she had been saying up to and past that point, e.g. she told me she would dress up in a playboy bunny suit for me, beggining of the week I made a joke about the milk tray man delivering chocolates and sex, she said that I was in fact the milk tray man and said she wanted a visit before she woke up for a non chocolate delivery. She will say a load of things like that, then suddenly go all cold.

Flirting. Seems like ordinary flirting to me. Unless you make jokes like these with her all the time (I do with some of my female friends, they are just jokes, nothing more), she wants something allright. She's at least interested.

Yeah when I met her she came up to me in a bar and started chatting me up. What then happened is we found out that we had a lot in common and it became a bit obvious that if anything were to happen it would be serious. Then she stopped talking to me. Thats when I apparently became distant. Personal opinion was that she liked me, got scared and decided to get over me by pushing me away, and is now falling for me again

She obviously doesn't know what she wants. Again, the reasons for this can be anything. Well then, let me hand out some risky advice. Here's what I'd do:

Confront her. Perhaps tell her your feelings. "Demand" clarity. Tell her you're not happy with the situation as it is right now, and you want to know where you go from here. All of this in a relaxed and friendly way! (Again, this is risky.)

Very Crazy in love, when I don't talk to her I feel like ass.
I don't know if I can be friends with her whilst having feelings this strong for her.

Yes, you probably can. You'll get over it if it turns out it doesn't work the relationship-way. It will suck, and you'll feel down. But in the end you still have an important friendship. If you really cannot, then there's only thing you can do. End it. Before it's too late! (Now I'm overreacting :-P)
You get my point.

At the moment I am just sitting back and seeing what she does. I am hoping that it may be a fear of being in a relationship that is holding her back, which she has admitted to and since then she has been a bit different with me. If you had been in the position I have then you can see a huge mountain of evidence for her only wanting to be friends but also wanting more. But if she only wants to be friends then she is playing me like a guitar.

That's why I gave the risky advice. This situation will probably lead to nothing but an endless impasse, within with both parties are not happy.

And if it all fails, there's always Empor.....I did NOT say that.  :wink:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-02 23:15:03

Sounds like a bit of a non-reason to me. Unless she's actually got a grounded fear to bond, it's probably a way of saying either one of two things: a) I do not want a relationship with you and am using this as a cover-up b) I do want a relationship, but am just really scared it will bind me and "cut my wings". In the case of the latter  it's up to you to make her feel at ease and assure her that's not going to happen. In the former, there's nothing you can do.

I told her the sort of girl I was attracted to and she said 'that sounds exactly like me. hehe' and I replied 'I have always been attracted to independant women and I can't stand clingy girls' she responded 'cool'. More recently the conversation went like this:

Me - I think that you push guys away and keep them as friends because you are scared of becoming dependant on anyone and not being free any more
Her - Wow. woah. how can you know me that well? How did you know that?
Me - Because I feel the same way. I don't want to be with someone that won't let me be myself and constantly wants to know every detail of my life.
Her - He He
Her - Do you have a girlfriend right now?
Me - I often wonder how anyone can be attracted to someone so clingy.
Her - Are you seeing anyone? A girlfriend???
Me - Oh no, not at the moment
Her - Cool
Her - Do you want to come and see Brick with me next week once our exams are over?
Me - You got a boyfriend?
Her - No, hehe :)
Me - Yeah when do you want to go?

Now I might be wrong, but it seemed a bit like she was trying to get me to go out with her on a date. Initially I thought some of her friends might be going but earlier she asked me to find out if the film was on in our local cinema so we could go and see it tonight, and I know that would have been on her own.

She started being more friendly and eager to see me after that conversation as well.

Also its worth noting with regard to my edit on the last post she is absolutely fixated with my ex. She brings her up all the time and the other day demanded to know if I had slept with her, its a bit odd.



Flirting. Seems like ordinary flirting to me. Unless you make jokes like these with her all the time (I do with some of my female friends, they are just jokes, nothing more), she wants something allright. She's at least interested.

I never make these jokes with her, most of our conversations are about current affairs and comedy as well as our political views etc. Then every once in a while she'll throw stuff like that in and its odd having seen some of her friends crack jokes like that to her, she gets uncomfortable about it because shes a pretty heavy feminist and thinks it means men are treating her like an object.


She obviously doesn't know what she wants. Again, the reasons for this can be anything. Well then, let me hand out some risky advice. Here's what I'd do:

Confront her. Perhaps tell her your feelings. "Demand" clarity. Tell her you're not happy with the situation as it is right now, and you want to know where you go from here. All of this in a relaxed and friendly way! (Again, this is risky.)

Yes, you probably can. You'll get over it if it turns out it doesn't work the relationship-way. It will suck, and you'll feel down. But in the end you still have an important friendship. If you really cannot, then there's only thing you can do. End it. Before it's too late! (Now I'm overreacting :-P)
You get my point.

I'll rephrase, I cannot be friends with her whilst she continues to act the way she does with me.

Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-02 23:38:07

I told her the sort of girl I was attracted to and she said 'that sounds exactly like me. hehe' and I replied 'I have always been attracted to independant women and I can't stand clingy girls' she responded 'cool'. More recently the conversation went like this:

[CONVERSATION]

Now I might be wrong, but it seemed a bit like she was trying to get me to go out with her on a date. Initially I thought some of her friends might be going but earlier she asked me to find out if the film was on in our local cinema so we could go and see it tonight, and I know that would have been on her own.

A Bit?? She's almost screaming it! You've got yourself a date. Don't be so insecure, just gor for it, go see a movie and see where the evening ends. She asked you to find out if it was in your local theatre, because she wants to go with you alone. Don't even bother thinking about her friends.

She started being more friendly and eager to see me after that conversation as well.

Did she know you weren't seeing anyone? If not, there's your reason.

Also its worth noting with regard to my edit on the last post she is absolutely fixated with my ex. She brings her up all the time and the other day demanded to know if I had slept with her, its a bit odd.

Typical behaviour for someone like her (as you described her). She wants to know for sure that your ex is your ex and no longer someone whom see might come to face as a rival someday.

I never make these jokes with her, most of our conversations are about current affairs and comedy as well as our political views etc. Then every once in a while she'll throw stuff like that in and its odd having seen some of her friends crack jokes like that to her, she gets uncomfortable about it because shes a pretty heavy feminist and thinks it means men are treating her like an object.

Hmm, she probably respects you. She doesn't like those kinds of jokes being made by friends, but will tolerate them when you make them or she makes them towards you. Be "careful" with the feminism though, you don't want to end up following her around like a dog. Be yourself. Be confident.

I'll rephrase, I cannot be friends with her whilst she continues to act the way she does with me.

You probably won't have to be "just friends" anymore, now that I've read all of this.

Go and go on a date. Have fun. Be you. See where it ends. It might be someplace nice, you won't know unless you do.

Good Luck!

EDIT: Just to be clear, no intention to mock you, anywhere.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-03 00:20:52
I read no mocking, thanks for the advice.

I am just a bit wary of her, because the ex was similar:

She spent a lot of time telling me she loved me and fancied me, then going cold and telling me she we were just friends. In the end I didn't know what to think and the way she behaved ruined our relationship. I'm worried that a similar things might happen here.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-03 00:48:42
I am just a bit wary of her, because the ex was similar:

She spent a lot of time telling me she loved me and fancied me, then going cold and telling me she we were just friends. In the end I didn't know what to think and the way she behaved ruined our relationship.

Good thing to hold back a little in the beginning. Better to prevent getting hurt, then actually experiencing it. Don't let it constrain you too much though. If you do that, she might see it as you rejecting her by not responding to her. Just take it easy, get to know eachother better, before deciding to "make it official".

I'm worried that a similar things might happen here.

Thing is, stuff like that can happen anytime, and always. And it doesn't even have to be your fault. Don't worry too much, there's enough to worry about already. (Like, how's my hair? Do these clothes match? Do I smell good :wink:) Fun thing for me te say, considering the way I usually dress.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-03 19:20:38
A Bit?? She's almost screaming it! You've got yourself a date. Don't be so insecure, just gor for it, go see a movie and see where the evening ends. She asked you to find out if it was in your local theatre, because she wants to go with you alone. Don't even bother thinking about her friends.

It has now turned in to a how many people can she invite along thing. To say I am dissapointed is an understatement.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-03 20:36:03
:cry:

It's beertime for you, again:

(http://pendragon.mine.nu/nucleus/media/1/friendship_beer.jpg)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-03 20:42:21
I am in fact drunk, so beertime has been arrived at.

I'm not going to go, I don't think it is particularly fair to do what she has done. Plus she now expects me to wait on msn all day tomorrow until she comes on to sort it out, I have better things to do.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-03 20:54:21
It has now turned in to a how many people can she invite along thing. To say I am dissapointed is an understatement.

WTF? Really?

Okay, I officially don't get this girl. All the signs point in one direction, and then she does something like this. It could just be insecurity and backing out at the very last moment, but I doubt it. 

I fear you might just be right, she may very well be playing with you. If you don't want to be "tormented" any longer, confront her. Otherwise it will continue.

If it turns out she was plating with you all along, dump her. Both a a friend and a lover. She's not worth it.

I wouldn't know what else to say. I'm quite through all the advice I've ever given. You've, or rather she's, got me puzzled.

EDIT:

I'm not going to go, I don't think it is particularly fair to do what she has done. Plus she now expects me to wait on msn all day tomorrow until she comes on to sort it out, I have better things to do.

Right you are. She can go and get lost in the woods of Eternal I-don't-give-a-crap.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-03 21:07:10
Now it turns out it is just us again...

WTF??
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-03 21:17:15
Now it turns out it is just us again...

WTF??

*Stares amazed at screen*

I really, really DO NOT get this anymore! Well, then have fun together, but be careful with whatever you do and say. No one can be sure what she wants now.

*Wonders who invented the female brain....*
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-04 11:01:03
 :cry:

I spoke to her again last night. We are going to a theatre in the city because she's working up there that day. I asked her what time we should meet and she says around 5:30, then she asks if I want to come up earlier so we can go to dinner as well. I say yes, obviously. Then I get this:

'Would you like to go to a pub after, we have a friend djing there so it will be cool'

Now I don't have a friend that djs in any pubs, so I wonder who she is referring to with the we bit. So I say:

'Have you asked someone else along too?'

She didn't reply and talked about something else. So slightly later on I then said:

'Who is coming with us to the cinema?'

Again she didn't reply and just started talking about something else. So I sent her a text messages asking her who else she had invited and she hasn't responded. I am not going now since it looks to me like she has invited someone along. Added to the fact that most of her friends do not like me and make it well known that they don't like me, even if she hadn't made it out to be some kind of date I wouldn't want to go out with any of them.

Anyway I am going to be out all day today, and she will be working most of tomorrow so I won't be able to talk to her to confirm anything anyway so I may be able to get out of this by just ignoring it.

Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-04 12:52:23
Well... could it be that she's actually bit scared and wants her friends there as chaperons, in case things don't go as she had hoped?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-05 23:21:42
So I met up with her, got pizza and sat in Trafalgar square then went to the cinema, everything was going really well until we were going back to this pub for a drink. She gets a text then replies then asks me if I mind going to this other club because her friends are there. Turns out the only person she actually knew was this guy who I used to go to school with, and she completely ignored me once we got there.

I think the only reason she invited me was so she could get a lift home, if her 'friend' hadn't already been there then she would probably have just gone straight home. When I got back to hers she just got out of the car and said bye, not even a friendly hug or anything.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-05 23:37:47
You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   :cry:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-05 23:44:27
You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   :cry:

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-06 00:49:28
Hey, you don't fight fire with fire if you like them... Were they that engaged? And with all these red flags, I suppose she is hot but you don't want to let go of her. I liked a girl and she acted like she liked me too for a while. Then I think I sent a red flag when I said I was poor. >_<
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-06 00:56:58
You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   :cry:

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I'm going to have to go with Midgar on this, judging from the story so far. This girl is, IMHO, pretty messed up. It's not going to work this way...

Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I don't think it was your fault. Even though I wasn't there, the way she treated you, the wanting to go to another pub, no kiss or hug, it all points in the same direction. Oh and the "admitting to be ill" sounds very fishy to me.
She's keeping you tied, like her dog. (No offence). She does things like this, which upset you to the point where you've had enough, and then she plays the "desperate" card. In this case getting her parents to agree. It's all too obvious and you can see straight through it.

So, what is left for you to do is quite simple: Get her out of your head.

That however is not that simple at all.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: mirex on 2006-06-06 06:52:13
I don't think its too strange to see friends on a date, it can lighten atmosphere if either of you are a little stiff, but you should leave from the friends after some time and continue on the date as a pair.
But its strange that she's lying to you / not telling everything. Ask yourself if you want such person to be your dearest. And after that tell her all what you came up with while thinking. Girls like this kind of true-hearted talk and she will probably also tell you what does she feel about you.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-06 13:30:08
Hmmm, about 30 seconds after I posted that message she sent me a message checking if I got back ok and saying she had a great time (20 minutes after I dropped her home). Today she messaged and said she wanted to go with me again and theres lots of stuff she wants to see at the cinema. She then sent another message asking if I wanted to come out with her tonight (can't because its my mates 20th) then she asked me when I was starting work and would be free to see her again.

So, hmmmm.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-06-06 17:08:52
Ho ho holy shit man!! This is giving me a brain tumor just reading about what she is doing to you, i swear i can feel it growing!! Anyway my two cents on this situation...

Visit: http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Have a read there and then have a think about it. (I never read it fully, but alot of it made sense)

I can definitly say that this girl is dragging this out too much, and leaving you in the dark for way too long! (there is usually a reason for this, and its usually something you wont want to know about). This whole thing about "its a date, no wait, its not a date, no wait it is!! but can you come with me while i chat to some other guy" is not what a relationship is about, or even starts with! If your ever are interested in a girl there is one quote that will get you through... never let the tail wag the dog.... if you have an interest in this girl and she isnt showing one back (to be clear on this, and interest on her side is holding your hand, play fighting, hugging and small smooches) then ignore her, forget about it and look elsewhere. Dont waste your time, you make the desicion instead of leaving it up to her. (Even if that desicion is "screw you, im gonna get drunk and score some randomer, dont waste my time you ass").

Your just infatuated man, you need to care less, and she knows that you are nuts about her. I would say in her eyes, you are the backup. I was camping at a music festival this weekend and three hot girls came into our tent (we were all pretty drunk at this stage and didnt care too much about scoring) so we just took the complete piss out of them, told them to get the fuck out of our tent. Who came back the next morning? Three hot girls!! Im not saying I understand girls man, this has just been my experience. (oh, and my mate scored with one of them)

One thing I do know about girls is that they pay way more attention to you when you are going out with someone else, that, as strange as it sounds, is a fact! Oh yeah, and you can never have a normal relationship when you want to have sex with the other person. ("God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one at a time" - Robin Williams).
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-07 20:48:47
My mate reckons she didn't do anything in the car because she expected me to get out and walk her to her door, she got out and stood there for a minute just looking at me whilst I sorted out the radio, I thought she had walked off. Thinking about it she may have sent me the message because she thought I was upset with her (which I was, and I told her so and she apologised).

I went out last night and got plastered and still didn't want to go after anyone else, I just want her. I have known her since november, when I was still going out with someone else which is why I didn't ask her out as soon as I met her. That breakup was pretty messy and she said it was clear that I wasn't ready to go out with anyone for ages, I reckon about March was when I stopped mentioning her. After that I went away for a week, uni ended so we didn't get to see each other all the time, we have had exams and both been revising alot and not going out a whole lot, so whilst I have known her quite a while it doesn't feel like it really.

It really came down to a conversation we had just over a week ago, when she asked me if I still wanted the other girl and I said no, after that was when it all started. Before that point it was a lot more sporadic in terms of affection from her. She always used to give me the impression that she talked to me because she was bored, never spoke about herself and just kept me at arms length. Recently she has been telling me how great I am and how much she likes me, and has been desperate to see me.

I know how I feel about her is genuine, not just a silly crush or anything, which is why this is so hard.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-07 22:55:57
Right I give up, she just messaged me asking if I wanted to go to a roller disco she was organising, then said that the only reason she went to the cinema with me was because she couldn't find anyone else. She also revealed that she had been at home all night using the computer but didn't want to talk to me and she might speak to me later. Sounds to me like she is saying she is doing me some kind of favour, either that or she is trying to upset me because I wasn't able to see her yesterday when she seemed to want me to (I found out that she asked me to go out to this bar with her and her friends last night, but because I wasn't there she didn't go) and ever since I have known her she has been really childish like that (if she has a problem with somene she ignores them and does things to try and get back at them rather than sorting it out).

I think the best course of action here would be to delete her msn, remove her number from my phone and ignore any texts that come in.

Last night I got chatted up by a lesbian, that made more sense than this does.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Relf on 2006-06-08 00:02:55
Her Message: "I hate you, want nothing to do with you. I only went with you to the cinema because I was bored and had nobody else to go with. I try to talk to you as little as possible.

P.S.: Want to go to a roller disco?"


Uhhh... What? :?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-08 03:04:18
I hear golddigging...
Only go if she is paying for it. Actually why not go, you might find a nice girl there, but only go if you don't have any plans.
NOTE: Did she pay or did you pay, or you both paid? Also what type of movie did you watch? Just curious (was it X-Men III)?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-08 11:26:30
We went to see Brick and we both split everything, which as far as I was aware was standard first date practise.

The way I look at it today was that if she had wanted something to happen she would have wanted to see me again by now, perhaps she wasn't quite sure before but has now made up her mind and she isn't talking to me now so I don't get the wrong impression. We could play guessing games all day I suppose but she obviously isn't interested.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Jedimark on 2006-06-08 16:00:02
Okay so I've skimmed this thread because I'm tired from work...

M0T... have you told her how you feel for her? You really should because your mind is playing guessing games and "what if" games to you. For better or for worse you need to tell her how you feel and get it out of your system and see what she says.

PS - Where abouts do you live? I live S.East (near Orpington), recently moved to the area. Am loving London (espeically when it's nice and hot like today :D).
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-08 16:35:18
I live near Croydon (Coulsdon area).

I have no confidence with these things any more, when I first met her I was 5'11 at 74 KG, I got glandular fever and now weigh 62. I think I look freakishly thin and can't see how anyone would be attracted to me the way I currently look. I met up with a mate I hadn't seen since christmas on sunday and the first thing he said was 'my god, what the hell happened to you?'
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Jedimark on 2006-06-08 17:33:01
I live near Croydon (Coulsdon area).
Not far then!

You'll seriously feel better if you get things out in the open.

And, after all, if you don't feel like you can speak to this girl then it doesn't seem like the makings of a good relationship to me.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-08 23:56:34
Damn I hate American ways! I would rather know my weight in kilos than in pounds. All you need is some confidence. And go to that disco. Get a nice girl there, not her though  :evil:. Imagine the irony of the situation! And also the 'resevered' is much better than unreserved, if you have to pretend you have a girlfriend. Girls love bad boys  :wink:.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-06-09 02:39:40
Damn I hate American ways! I would rather know my weight in kilos than in pounds.

I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall and I weigh 168 pounds.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-09 22:09:11
Wow, is all I can say.

She wants me to go to mexico with her. She was being a little bit naughty earlier (flirting and such) and told me that she was walking in the park earlier and saw something that made her think of me. She also keeps saying that I don't think very much of her, can't work out if she is being paranoid or if she was fishing for compliments.

But wow, she wants me to go to mexico.  :?
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-06-09 23:16:34
...Mexico...? Why?

Don't drink the water there, if you go.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-12 22:35:54
Nah we aint going to go there now, looks to be too expensive so we were looking at maybe bits of europe since its only a train ride away.

Anyway she told me to go and find a girlfriend, then asked me what I looked for in a girl so I pretty much described her, then later on she asked me why I don't ever ask her out. Now maybe I am being dense but I would have thought that when she tells me to go and find another girl that would be a sort of explanation as to why I don't ask her out. But I don't think she wants to go out with me, like was mentioned earlier she just wants me to want her.

I finished up by telling her that none of her male friends liked her that much because they never stayed in contact with her, and if she was like she is to me to them then that would be why.

I have only been talking to her because my friend Kes told me to give it one more go. Why do I listen to her, she has worse problems than I do!
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: [GLG] Sirius on 2006-06-13 07:41:04
Well, i'm pretty much new here, however i've read through this thread and im gonna put my bit in.

First off, no wonder you are asking for advice here, you are getting played. Rotten.
All this Yes/No/Maybe stuff is obviously making you go mad, i can't even wrap my head around it, but that's women for you. If the places were swapped and this was me i would have gave up on this Page 1 or 2, however it's easy to say that when you arent in the situation, you obviously feel for this girl bigstyle, wether you know/believe it or not, I can tell from the way you speak about her.

To be honest i don't think this will sort itself out by waiting. The best course of action in my eyes would be a "proper" talk. (you know the one, it's reffered to as "The Talk"). As daunting as it may seem play the cards straight. Tell her what your feeling, and the reasons you have not said before( I.E. the confusing mixed signals that are radiating outta the girl from all angles ) and wait for the reply. If you get what you don't wanna hear then you have basically saved yourself allot of mental anquish.

I know it's crushing to hear someone doesnt want you, if that is indeed the case, but it's allot better than running back n forth trying to just work out where the hell you stand and in the long run you will get to the same result but it may do even more damage as it's been strung out for so long.

As for my experiences (engaged to be married) girls/woman love confidence. Just tell her the script and wait for her answer. Trust me, it will make things better whatever way it goes.

*edit* by the way spyrojyros_tail  , wouldnt happen to have been Donington's download there would it? ;)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-13 20:11:26
Right now this is a bit weird. The last thing she said to me last night was to organise a quick chat about possibly going away sometime this summer. Anyway I messaged her earlier about it and instead she asked me to go to the cinema as well as go up to london. Which seems a bit far away from a quick chat.

However, I'm pretty sure she has gone to a bar in town with a few of her friends (despite the fact that she said she wanted me to go with her next time she went). The only problem is that I know one of her friends fancies her and he keeps trying to get her really drunk because he wants to take advantage (he even said it to me!), she knows this but yet still sees him. She just seems to try to surround herself with as many people as possible regardless of how nasty they are and I just get worried that something is going to happen to her.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-14 00:41:43
MOT you should post a picture of her so that we can see if she is worth the pain and suffering from you.
Sirus you are correct, CONFIDENCE!
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-14 01:14:26
I am not posting a picture on the internet   :-P

But she is absolutely stunning, trust me on this.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-23 21:57:56
Update, just msned her this:

well im not the sort of person that usually gets
           annoyed when people are too busy to talk to him and its not
           like you even bothered to say you were going anywhere. You
           have just been generally acting weird lately anyway with
           all those comments youve been making about me only seeing
           you because im bored, and not thinking much of you and
           stuff like that. quite frankly its not worth my time to try
           and work out what is going through your head because i have
           enough other stuff to worry about. take care of yourself
           and have a nice life

Its not the sort of thing I usually say but there we go.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-24 01:23:44
Should we take that as a proof that men and women can't be just friends? :P
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-24 02:36:53
Strangely enough on wednesday she asked me if I thought men and women could ever just be friends, I said we'd managed so far and she told me she put rohypnol in my pizza and I didn't remember her ravaging me.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Jedimark on 2006-06-24 22:08:44
Should we take that as a proof that men and women can't be just friends? :P
Men and Women can't just be friends... fact. No matter how hard you try there's always going to be some element of "Well what if we were more than just friends" from someone which will ultimately get in the way and make or break the relationship. (I speak from experience).
M0T: Sounds like you made the right choice.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-24 22:17:18
Well she got into contact with me tonight and I told her how I felt since I figured it was worth a shot. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and I said that that wasn't possible for me. Whats worse is that she asked me how I felt, when she did it she made it seem like she wanted to go out with me, probably because she knew I'd lie if I thought she was just going to say that.

I don't really believe that she really wants to be just friends with me, theres far too much evidence against it and her body gives her away. I think that she is frightened of something and hoped that I would just accept friendship so she could stay in her comfort zone. If she decides she misses me enough to give me a chance then she has my number but I won't be making contact.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-26 00:33:20
Well that didn't last long, she got in contact with me at 6pm Sunday.

Basically she tried to explain why she didn't want to go out with me, unfortunatly she lied to me and contradicted herself in the same conversation. One minute I wasn't her type, and the next she admitted that that wasn't the real reason.

I think that she loves being single too much and that she was intending to keep me waiting whilst she could have fun. Basically she knew I liked her and would give attention and she thought she could just take the bits she wanted and leave the rest.  She basically told me a load of stuff that didn't make sense and denied everything.

I got quite upset talking to her about it because I thought that she could at least do me the favour of telling the truth. She got quite angry with me, I think that had I just kept going along with her something would have happened eventually because I still maintain the signs were there, but I couldn't mentally take any more waiting.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Midgar on 2006-06-26 03:05:07
Whoa man, this has been going on too long.  :-o You need to stop obsessing over her... I was used to obsessing over a girl also, and I couldn't stop...
Then, I just ignored her and that was the end of that...
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Sad Jari on 2006-06-26 06:12:37
Then, I just ignored her and that was the end of that...
And you said that you were... obsessing about her? :roll:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: L. Spiro on 2006-06-26 18:40:24
I live near Croydon (Coulsdon area).

I have no confidence with these things any more, when I first met her I was 5'11 at 74 KG, I got glandular fever and now weigh 62. I think I look freakishly thin and can't see how anyone would be attracted to me the way I currently look.
Pfft.

I’m 6’1” and 57 kilograms and dating models.

Confidence really is the only difference.  Either do it or don’t.  Have it or not.  But you might want to start getting it once you see one-too-many ugly-ass men with hot-ass women.

I have to admit I laughed out loud at the story of rohypnol on your pizza.  I wish my girl would do that, assuming she uses protection.

There are plenty of girls out there.
Why don’t you try being single for a while and see how you enjoy that.
No, I don’t mean go off and have a bunch of sex.  Just meet women.
That’s all.  I guess you can go to bed too, but your goal here is to see what kinds of fish are in the pond.
You have time, and a whole life ahead of you.  No need to settle down in one place so soon.
See the world.  Live your dreams.

And remember, all women are the same until you make one to be more special than the others.

I know how hard it is to get over women—I cried (yes, tears) last night for my Laos girl, and I wasn’t even dating her.


L. Spiro
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-06-26 21:59:36
6'1" 57 KGs?! No offense, dude, but even when I was at my smallest a few years ago, I was still 5'7" 62 KGs. I'm now up at 5'9"ish and 77 KGs....
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: ChaosControl on 2006-06-27 00:31:08
MOT: Keep trying!
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-27 01:41:31
She sent me a few messages this evening basically saying she wanted nothing more to do with me and that I was a terrible friend to start with. She was obviously hoping to upset me and it worked. I chopped my phone apart with a sword in my anger :(
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-06-27 10:14:08
Awww, you shouldn't have, really.

It's pretty obvious now (for as far as it wasn't already) that this girl can go screw herself. She was never really interested in you, kept using you, sending mixed signals and giving you false hope. The only thing she wanted was a person, no not even a friend, to hang out with regularly when she couldn't find anything else to do. And in the meantime play the funny "My-God-I-think-he's-in-love-with-me-game". She evidently did a good job at it too  :|

However, she just did the best thing she could have done, being destroying (the remants of) your love for her. May not sound like the best thing to you right now, but in the end it is. You do not want something like her to be your girlfriend in the first place.

So, try to forget about her. Grab another beer and remember "there are more fish in the sea". (God, I hate that phrase  :-P)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-06-27 16:39:02
Heh, the amount of phones that I have smashed in my life, its always always really satisfying when you hang up by smashing your phone off the wall!! Then you have a long break when she cant talk to you cuz your phone is in bits (i never ever buy expensive phones! lol). But chopping your phone with a sword, now that is just cool!  :wink:

Anyway man, this is a blessing, at least she made herself clear for once and so now you can forget about her and move on. It will seem like you will never meet a girl like her again, it always does. But real lasting relationships never start out like this, and trust me when I say that there are far far better girls out there! Its only on tv and crap that you see this guy winning a girl over, but in real life it never happens.

Now feel better and go score with some hot chicks! (and dont be a fool and let her back in!!)

MOT: Keep trying!

(In comic book guys voice): Worst advice ever! Lol
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: MagiMaster on 2006-06-27 16:51:52
I chopped my phone apart with a sword in my anger :(

That's one sharp sword...and one bad temper... :-o
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-06-27 19:47:25
That's one sharp sword...and one bad temper... :-o

I don't tend to lose my temper but I did that time. The batteries catch fire if you pierce them
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: zero88 on 2006-06-30 00:47:27
You should've bladed her, after what she's put you through, and just to have that happen at the end.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-07-02 23:29:45
Right I thought I'd blast a final update on here to let you guys know what happened.

Basically thursday she emailed and asked to speak to me on msn, so I came online, as I thought she might have decided that I was worth it after all.

Anyway I don't know if I mentioned it but when I first met her I was still getting over someone else, she was after me, and I made it clear I wasn't wanting a relationship. She told me that she had got upset that I had rejected her and didn't know what to do, so initially she tried to not talk to me any more, but she was so angered that anyone dared to reject her that she started talking to me again to find out why. She then decided that I deserved to be got back for it (bearing in mind this was just after christmas) she decided to play me. So at first she was just randomly ignoring then being really friendly to try and upset me, but when I stopped talking to her she decided she had to do something stronger. So she decided to try and seduce me. She got me to a point where I was going to ask her out then told me she thought of me as a friend and nothing more, however that time she didn't get the response she desired because I just said fine and wasn't bothered. Obviously she was hoping for a little more so she decided to try again, this time culminating in her telling me she liked me so that I would say the same. Obviously this time it worked because I got very angry and upset. She then said she was happy that she got her revenge and that she doesn't like me or what to talk to me any more.

The events of later in the evening, as detailed in the other thread, are pretty much a direct result of her telling me this. I couldn't believe she could carry a grudge that long or do what she did the whole time just to get back at me for rejecting her. It seems so completely insane to be almost beyond belief, but it does make sense now.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-07-03 02:30:17
I do not really believe her. I do not know why, I just don't. Maybe my faith in mankind is too good, but I just don't believe anyone can be like this. On the other hand, proof has been delivered to me as well in my life, so maybe she is telling the actual truth.

I just think she's making this whole story up now. Or at least part of it. She definitely liked you, has now decided that she doesn't anymore and decides to "tell the truth", just so she can make you look stupid. It's too simple, too obvious really. Again, it could just be that she is telling the truth.

Well, for one you are sure you do not feel anything for this particular human being anymore. And that is about the best that could happen. Some people do not deserve to be talked to, mentioned or even thought of. She's on the list allright.

So, from now on ignore her completely. Never talk to her again. Not even when she wants to make up. She'd do it again before you know it.

Meh, humans suck. Stupid emotions.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: L. Spiro on 2006-07-03 02:56:10
Back in the U-S of A I knew an ex-CIA “spook”.  A hitman.
He seemed quite proud of his lack of compassion (and love for killing) and every time he got drunk he took it as a chance to prove how heartless he could be.
In an attempt to prove how little he can care for others, he tried to throw me over the balcony of our apartment.

What he ended up proving is that he does indeed have some kind of heart, as he later (while sober) realized I am the nicest human alive and he felt bad for that day.
To normal people, it may not make sense, but to him it makes sense to offer a “hit” in return for forgiveness.

In other words, I give the word, and someone dies.  The first one is free and each person after costs money.
If you get my drift.  Wink wink.  Nudge nudge.


L. Spiro
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-07-05 11:12:04
Well I found out the truth.

I was going into Croydon with a few friends and I saw her walking down the road arm in arm with another guy, who happens to be her ex boyfriend. She told me once that they only split up because he was going to university halfway up the other side of the country.

All I can assume is that he sent her a message at some point when we were out saying he wanted to see her, and that explains why she just randomly went funny with me.

Feels like I have been smacked in the stomach.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-07-05 13:18:22
Wow man, for the amount of shit that she put you through im surprised that you even acknowlege the fact that she exists. Last girl that treated me like that (dragged me around, left me waiting endlessly on answers - and then I caught her cheating on me, lol!!) I completley ignored for about 3 years (and we went to the same course/lectures/labs etc).  lol, I know that it sounds really really bad, but screw it! I dont want to be around people who treat others like that (that and I really couldnt stand her as a person, never mind a girlfriend).

Well it worked for me! Well she started to talk to me recently about how good I was to her, and how bad she felt about it and blah blah blah. If she said that to me three years ago, it probably would of made me so happy, but now.... I have another gf who is way way better than her (better looking, more fun, actually sane) so I made my excuses and went back to the bar, cuz I coulnt have been bothered listing to her whinge on and she was puttin a dampener on my night.

If your a nice person you will get screwed around, but it works out in the long run. Im sure someday she will come back to you lookin for attention, but will you be bothered about her then? NO! She treated you like shit and thats something your not likley to forget, and by then you will have met some girl that realises that your a nice decent guy and keep you for herself. And will she be pissed off then, why yes she will... and your gonna love that! :evil:

Anyway give it time and stop thinkin about her.

(Oh and when you get your new phone dont put her number in, heh)
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-07-05 16:48:23
I have another gf who is way way better than her (better looking, more fun, actually sane)

Well then, according to the rules, she has to be stupid. Why? Because those are the rules.

A woman can only have 2 of the 3 following qualities:

1. She's smart
2. She's good-looking
3. She's not mentally-instable.

Women that have all 3 qualities do not exist. If you think you've found one, she's tricked you.

Your girlfriend applies for number 2 and 3, which means she's lacking number 1. Sorry to be one to inform you of this...

 :-P
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Relf on 2006-07-05 18:05:13
Actually, a woman can have as many of these qualities following, be that zero or two:

1. She's smart
2. She's good-looking
3. She's not mentally-instable.
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: Emerald Weapon on 2006-07-06 00:47:53
Just for the record. I was kidding there.

So no need to go all serious.

 :-)

Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: spyrojyros_tail on 2006-07-06 08:54:01
Lol,  :-D

I never said that she was smart! :lol:
Title: Re: What is friendship?
Post by: M0T on 2006-07-10 23:47:20
Argh! I was out with a few friends this evening, and I was talking to them and suddenly I heard 'hello', I turned round at it was her. So I turned back to my friends and she kept trying to talk to me. So I spoke to her for about a minute and she kept trying to get me away from my friends and come upstairs to dance with her, so I told her 3 times that I was staying put. Anyway she said she would see me later and walked off. All of my friends wanted to knock her block off, but refrained. Anyway 5 minutes later some guy I didn't know asked me why I was getting death stares from some random girl (who turned out to be her) and I turned round and she scampered off. At this point we left and went elsewhere. None of us could believe that she dared try and talk to me, but it reminded me she owed me a dvd so I just blasted off this message, which I thought was well done:

'Seeing you tonight made me realise that you still owe me my dvd. You have had it for about 3 weeks and as far as I am aware its a 2 hour film, if you are having trouble you might want to try setting the language to english since you will find you will get through it faster that way. Anyway let me know when I can have that back'

I am so livid that she just acted like there was nothing wrong, I think I might need to hire a hitman on this one.