darkness: you do not
vvalentine: i do it's just that i put it out so that people know that i accepted joeys request and so they don't pester him about weather or not someone's actualy decided to proofread his story.
joey: ok got the story. read it. laughed a bit. and came up with these notes:
- use quotes. they are actualy puncuation.
- you jump in the story a bit
- are you describing your house in this?
- the kids whishes at the end of 1 paragraph and in the begining it's "and his wish came true."
- you over used curious
- "with tiny streams flowing amist the the tall, dark trees, except that their leaves were dark green, shaped like grass." could be "a small stream flowed along the dark looming trees. Joey felt a shiver of fear flow through him. These trees didn't truly look like trees but more as if the locals have replaced the leaves by gluing grass blades to the end of the twigs." i think you get the idea.
[/list:u]
i have more but these are just to get you started. if you want the rest pm me.
[edited] 275 2002-01-04 22:56
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i'll make today and send to you on icq. if any one else wants it just tell me. 
thoes BASTARDS. GIVE IT BACK!!!!!