careful jari, your frustration is showing (and I am loving it)
No, that's pity you are seeing. For you, do you understand?
I do not think you even understand what kind of impression your behavior gives about you. Nor do you understand that you just dug your own hole - again. Or that right now you are - quite likely - a dead man posting. Or that you are very much trying to beat a dead horse.
One would think that an adult - well, at least you claim to be one - would have realized this.
Now, don't take this the wrong way. I for one hate it when this is said in anger, and it's not an insult I'd use on anyone. But... seek help. You need it. Seriously. World will be happier place for you, when you do that.