Well Cadd, I was kind of joking around with my run-on sentence paragraph. Hardly a paragraph...
Let me break it down for you, because I wasn't just trashing on FF8:
"So there wasn't some fruity organization that half-assedly trains people to assassinate people which the army could've killed easier and cheaper" -FF8
"this whiny girl who pops out of nowhere to only whine nonstop" - FF7, FF8, and even FF9 with Garnet. Rinoa was probably the worst, though.
"two losers with severe emotional and competitive problems" - FF8, Squall and Seifer
"the fact that all you have to do to get stronger is by putting your balls in your weapon or sucking out the energy from enemies" - FF7 and FF8. Balls=materia, Sucking=Drawing
"half-assed explanation to people that have no idea what they are doing already about time travel" - FF8
"a game with a fairly decent story which gets ruined by shitty planning and rushed completion" - FF7, possibly FF8, maybe even FF9
"a battle system where every character has a possibility of being the same damn person only with a different model (other than limit breaks)" - FF7 and FF8
"the lack of explanation and perhaps coincidence that the people responsible for taking down some biatch that no one has even heard of in the future were all in the same orphanage being bullied by the same guy who had nothing to do with taking down the biatch and mysteriously appears at the end of the game anyways just for shits and giggles" - FF8. How in the world did seifer get back to balamb? He shoulda joined the party for the 4th disc.
"two losers (fat and skinny) that stand around laughing at everything for no reason and end up dying for it" - FF7, Heigegger and Scarlet
"some guy whose balls could fall off in the middle of a sentence and he would get them back with this creepy explanation of how his package was unsent in the mail by a postmaster so he gets to stay alive however long he pleases" - FFX, Seymour. Postmaster=Summoner.
"pointless and predictable scenes" - This happens in every FF game, except I wasn't expecting garnet to cut her hair short. That was a shocker. I was mainly focusing on that terrible laughing scene from FFX.
"characters that are less interesting than watching a cat lick himself all day" - FFX, Kimahri
"annoying tutorials at the beginning of the game that won't go away no matter what you do" - FF8, and this really does happen.
"bad guys that are there but really aren't" - FF7, Sephiroth
"really twisted twists where the entire perspective of the game suddenly changes and then the director of the game comes out in 3d form and says "just kidding" and leaves (also known as a red herring, which isn't neccesarily bad)" - This happens in every game, except for probably FF8. There were really no shocking revelations in that game. Things were just slowly revealed. I actually kind of liked that.
"places that get destroyed by the people that built it and since the place they destroyed was paying a ton of tax money the company that did it ended up losing tons of money anyways and they never fixed it" - FF7, sector 7
"a newly made president that pops out of his helicopter then asks the main character if he wants to join with the enemy blatantly and the guy refuses so the president sends his dog after the guy who immediately gets chomped in the groin" - FF7, doesn't exactly happen that way
"a guy that forces himself into your team for no reason and it ends up that it's your own damn fault you let him in because awhile later you get screwed over by the same guy who was forced onto your team" - FF7, cait sith
"FMV's basically are pre-rendered versions of the already crappy 3d models used widely in the game" - FF7, but only a few of the fmv's.
"and finally this 5-minute sequence where some fat guy with pointlessly long fingers pokes people and whines about some guy and his wife he met at a swinger's party and now he thinks they are trying to take away the ridiculous sphere with flashing colors he lives in." - FF8, not exactly what happened, but you get the gist of it.
First time I saw FF9 I was like "kid's game!!!!!!", and then I played it and accepted it, and tried to take it pretty seriously. But yeah...I really can't change someone's opinion with mere convincing words..it's up to them.
