Moderators and anonymity

[atzn]

I mean, I've been around for more than two years now...and I miss the way it was back then. It was just so friendly and all. Nice. No problems, no arguments, no insulting people.

You should've seen the state of this forum when it first started; it was much better.

Why?
1. Very Busy: Clinic Hours + Internship + Labs + Research
2. Graduating (Soon: HH + MD)
3. Applying for Ph.D. Study at HMS

All the best, Nori (especially ph.D).. looks like there are two reasons to call you a Doctor by then...   and thanks for all the help over the last 3 years.. appreciated very much! ^^.

And Jari... all the best in whatever you do.

[RPGillespie]

Goodbye Nori, Thanks for all the advice.

Jari, Goodbye for what is hopefully the final time.

Oh Sure he is leaving, he said I'm leaving too for good, but then he comes back making another reply.

Oh, come on guys, you have to admit Jari was like 10x more pleasent since he came back. I mean his posts were enjoyable and slightly amusing to read (when he was politely burning noobs). We have to cut him some slack, it really sucks when someone you really like leaves you, but its not the end of the world, the pain will eventually go away, but it takes awhile (believe me I know)...

[odo324]

Arg .

Jeri, ya nice guy (least this time around, didn’t actually know him b4). No doubt here. But still, IMO, he has been apologizing to Nori 4 way 2 long and in the wrong place! I'd call that 'nagging' and personally find it really annoying to find out-of-the-blue such as this. Perhaps his actions are only a reflection of that.

Back to my first statement, sure Jeri's now a nice guy. But with all this apologizing, his actions show that he really is here for the wrong reasons.

I'm really going to miss Nori. :weep:

[Relf]

Oh Sure he is leaving, he said I'm leaving too for good, but then he comes back making another reply.

The whole reason for his staying appears to be for apologising to Nori, she's gone and I would bet he will be also.

[Skillster/RedSarg99]

Mind you, I never had any problems with Jari H (if it is him, the one from ffsf.cjb.net), I noticed in the last 2 years when he left and then came back he had massively changed persona.

Nori is a very good person and friend and will be missed dearly, not to mention the one person who introduced me to some great Anime and some great aspects of internet life.

Hope she does good in the end, it is a long journey and just keep your eyes on the light at the end of tunnel because thats where Nori is

[Sad Jari]

I think that Skillster's post deserves an answer, especially since I've never talked about this before. And seeing how things are going, I won't be around to explain much longer. ...if you wonder why I'm still here, it's because I haven't finished all the arrangements. They'll take few days.

...and yes, I'm the same person. Duh.

Mind you, I never had any problems with Jari H (if it is him, the one from ffsf.cjb.net), I noticed in the last 2 years when he left and then came back he had massively changed persona.

That's what dealing with idiots does to you. Two particular idiots, in this case. It takes away your faith in humanity.

It was pretty much a series of unfortunate coincidences. Like I said way up there, I told Qhimm that I didn't want to moderate anymore and even told why... at least I think that I did, not sure anymore; I felt that I could not be objective about Rubicant because frankly... he was being an ass. He tried to aggravate me on purpose on almost every chance he got for 6 months and enlisted his little helper to do the same.

I got PMs about the smallest freaking things ever, because they were not like his royal assness would have liked.

You might remember that back then the titles were much more of an indication of respect than actual jobs. So, I'm sure that Qhimm didn't mean it in a bad way when he didn't want to let me go. He did pick Aaron to moderate, to relieve some of stress... I had originally suggested replacing me with Aaron.

So, when the situation escalated, I did the only thing I saw possible - left. And ever since - even though it is unreasonable and I don't really think so - I've had this little devil inside my head, occasionally telling me that I was wronged back then. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold grudges about it, but sometimes it does pop into my mind.

As far as the Nori-thing goes, I love her dearly and wish her all the best, but it does feel terribly unfair that she's going away without giving me chance to redeem myself in any way. It's a horrible fate for anyone and if you consider the fact that I think of her as my best friend - the person I could and did confide in, who helped me when I needed help and so forth... you might realize how much it hurts.

Yes, I did hurt her, absolutely. But I don't think that I hurt her so much that I deserve eternal suffering for it.

Think of it for yourself; you hurt your best friend - by accident even - and you are never given chance to redeem yourself or forgiviness. Try to imagine how it feels. I can not forgive myself for doing what I did - even if it was an accident and misunderstanding, because I had promised myself that I would never hurt her. That is why I so desperately need her forgiveness.

And I'm sorry to say, but this pain must stop. I can not take any more of it. If she can't forgive me I won't think any less of her, but I will have to make the pain stop myself. I'm sorry, but there's no other way, this thing has already ruined the past three months. I can't take anymore.

EDIT: One more thing; Nori, whatever happens, I thank you for everything. The list is too long for this post, but I'll say the most important one; thank you for being a great friend, best I ever had.

[mirex]

to Jari:

Think of it for yourself; you hurt your best friend - by accident even - and you are never given chance to redeem yourself or forgiviness.

Hey man, that's how life goes. Sometimes it ends up like this.  Maybe you have been forgiven, but she does not want to tell you about it. Maybe you have been not.

All things you have said in this thread you have said few times already, also in other threads. I think its no use to repeat them over and over again. As they say, Time cures. Maybe it will cure you too.

And this thread should get locked, really, its getting off its original topic. Too bad I don't have proper rights for it.

[Sad Jari]

I asked an admin to split it, she deserves her own going away topic.

Maybe you have been forgiven, but she does not want to tell you about it.

Uh... I don't even want to point out how cruel that would be.

All things you have said in this thread you have said few times already, also in other threads. I think its no use to repeat them over and over again. As they say, Time cures. Maybe it will cure you too.

No offense or anything, but time is something I don't have anymore - I simply can not take more pain and I really, really don't want to think about the other alternative. If it takes all the begging and pleading and praying in the world to avoid that alternative, I'll do it. I'll humiliate myself in public gladly. I'll do anything.

[mirex]

I asked an admin to split it, she deserves her own going away topic.

No offense, but why should someone deserve an going-away topic ? Even if you love her alot, seems stupid to me.

mirex wrote:
Maybe you have been forgiven, but she does not want to tell you about it.

Uh... I don't even want to point out how cruel that would be.

Life is cruel, really. Don't tell me you haven't realized that already.

No offense or anything, but time is something I don't have anymore - I simply can not take more pain and I really, really don't want to think about the other alternative. If it takes all the begging and pleading and praying in the world to avoid that alternative, I'll do it. I'll humiliate myself in public gladly. I'll do anything.

Don't know what is the main point of the thing, and don't know what do you mean by 'alternative', but from my point of view you are overreacting, or it looks like you was one of the crew on the bomber plain which dropped the bomb on hiroshima. And in that case you cannot not be forgiven.

[Sad Jari]

No offense, but why should someone deserve an going-away topic ? Seems stupid to me.

So that people could say goodbye to her? Seeing that she made a post about going away, I would assume that she wouldn't mind public goodbyes. Besides, there are lots of people here who care about her. And I really don't want to see arguing in that thread. But then again, I'm just a sentimental idiot.

Life is cruel, really. Don't tell me you haven't realized that already.

See the reply below as to why I would see it very cruel.

Don't know what is the main point of the thing, and don't know what do you mean by 'alternative',

Then think. Think very hard. Do I really have to spell it out?

[Skillster/RedSarg99]

uh, What did you do Jari that you want forgiveness so badly for?

[Sad Jari]

I hurt her. She's my friend. Isn't that enough? Under no circumstances I want to part ways with her when she's feeling hurt from something I did.

But if you want really short description, it went something like this (You do realize that lot more things happened during the 2 months, I've tried to write down a version with my reasons listed and it's 10 pages printed);

I misunderstood something she did and said before she went on holiday.

I tried to ask - several times and in an annoying and childish way - if she meant those things to hurt me.

She avoided answering because she was busy.

I took that as an additional insult.

When she finally contacted me, she said something that hurt me.

I tried to push even harder, because I wanted to know if there was something wrong between me and the person I cared for.

She got angry - or that's what it looked like to me and deleted my topic.

I took that as a grave personal insult and called her bad names in public.

She got really angry.

Finally she granted me one final chat where she answered my questions, proving that I had been wrong and told me that I would never have a chance to make it up and she wouldn't forgive me.

Or that's my view. I have never heard her view.

Please don't try commenting too much based on that - it's missing so much stuff.

It's bloody misunderstanding! And I have been very, very stupid, but I don't think that I deserve this.


EDIT: Perhaps even bigger reason why I need her forgiveness is that I promised myself that I will never hurt this person - like I said above, because she really is very special to me. And I simply can not forgive myself for breaking that promise.

I kinda wish that I could, but I can't. She's the only person who can forgive me for what I did. It's a question of ethics for me.

[James Pond]

I dont quite know what to say really.


I'll leave it as, Good luck to both Nori and Jari, I hope life treats you well in the future

[Skillster/RedSarg99]

uh I suppose I will leave it at that, I was not very good with words anyway, and I had already assumed that it was something along these lines to begin with.
In an ideal word I would have said get on the phone to hear, or leave her a voicemail or something, seeing as you might be on the otherside of the world from her?

[Sad Jari]

Yeah, I wish that I could have. :isee: I would have, if it just had been possible, trust me.

It's just that only methods of contacting her I had were PMs, IMs and email. I didn't know if she was reading her email (and I loathe return receipts), she was not using any of her IM accounts that I knew of during her holiday, so that left PMs.

I wouldn't have bothered her so mercilessly if I hadn't had my own reasons... you see, this thing was bothering me before the first PM I sent. I tried to keep it bottled up, but then I nearly caused a traffic accident because I lost my temper (this thing was putting me on edge...), it was really close, and I just got scared. I decided that I have to ask, even if it means bothering her during her holiday.

Of course I never actually told her about the almost-accident until the chat she finally granted to me. I thought that it would just make her worry about unnecessary stuff... and that she would know that I wouldn't bother her unless I really had to. :weep:

I guess that it wasn't that obvious to her. Anyway, that was just one of the many things that went wrong with this thing.

Another was missed chat... she was online at the end of July for one hour (I had Miranda's debug log on), but I had no idea whatsoever that she was going to be online and it was 03:00-04:00 my time. I had told her that the thing was bothering me so much that I can't sleep... but I had managed to go to sleep at 02:00, after a good dose of booze to help me.

So, there were many nasty coincidences that just happened to happen at the wrong time - without being anyone's fault. -_-

[Threesixty]

Umm, I have a thought.....

What if she just meant she wasn't going to be Mod anymore?
I mean....That *was* what this thread was orginally about. I imagine if she was going to announce that she was leaving, for good.....it would be it's own thread...not buried in this one (having a mod break it up doesn't, really count...hopefully, you didn't force her hand). If anything she's just saying that school is going to take up most of her free time. Which would most logicly point to the fact that she won't have time to Mod this forum, anymore.


---------

.....I'll never understand such announcements of "I'm leaving for good."  Well,..minus three reasons. One, would be Qhimm. If or when Qhimm announces that...there won't be a forum, anymore. Two would be if you were never going to pay for online service again (even though you are probably only fooling yourself). And three would be if you know your experation date. (I knew a few people who were told their's.)

It's a forum that can be accessed from any internet connection from anywhere on the planet...and probably off it, as well.  It's not like moving to another city or country...and being too lazy to keep in touch with someone. These *are* long distance relations, as it stands. The effort taking to post here is the same, no matter where we are logged in at.  

It really makes no sense logically.....emotionally, however....emotionally is a whole can of worms that would be best left unopened.  And a path were you usually end up eating crow.

[Skillster/RedSarg99]

Hey I am sure I have seen her online from time to time.
I suppose the difference in Timezones makes this possible.
If I see her I will drop a line or two and see how things are.

[Caddberry]

I agree with I think it was Mirex who said that this should be locked and put to rest. I don't know whether or not Nori has her own going away thread, but this one needs to find an end.

Nori, much love from me, and I will also miss the only person that beat me in chess from this forum. Best of luck to you, and please keep in touch from time to time. I'm pretty sure you would still have my contact info..


locked.